IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that to protect local culture tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and that banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both these views and give your opinion?

#people #culture #tourism #areas #change
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Nowadays, local culture has gained consideration among
people
Use synonyms
 who want them to be protected from
visitors
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, as it can reduce the value of their characteristics,
whereas
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 others believe that the
action
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 will cause disadvantages. In my opinion, that
action
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 can cause financial drawbacks both
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
small
Correct article usage
a small
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 and large scale.
To begin
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 with the first view, some
people
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 see that the
endavour
Correct your spelling
endeavour
 to prohibit
tourism
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 in order to protect local culture is prompted because there is a possibility that
people
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 will devalue its
indigeneous
Correct your spelling
indigenous
 worth. Take,
for example
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, the renowned monument of remembrance in the Dayak village that was built with sacred white stones, and later was drawn with doodles by some tourists because they think the monument is pale enough. Ever since
,
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apply
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 the monument
lose
Wrong verb form
have lost
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 values
as well as
Linking Words
 characteristics. Reflecting
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 that story;
however
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, I do not think the act of prohibiting
tourism
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 is an effective method unless the local municipalities impose a particular
action
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 that must be obeyed by
visitors
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 in order to not make them tampering the value of local cultures.
Move
Wrong verb form
Moving
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 on to the opposite notion, the remarkable negative outcome that will follow the banning
action
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 relates to the weakening of fiscal conditions. In fact, some countries
such
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 as Indonesia or New Zealand
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have almost 89% of their economic growth contributed
from
Change preposition
to
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 the
tourism
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 sector will be badly affected by the
action
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, since it will not only reduce the number of
visitors
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 who want to travel to their country but
also
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 close the potential local businesses that can help
people
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 who suffer from financial difficulties.
Therefore
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, since the likelihood of the drawbacks will affect the economic conditions
in
Change preposition
on
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 both
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
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 and national scale, I agree with the argument that the banning
action
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 of
tourism
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 will not
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
 the country that
impose
Change the verb form
imposes
show examples
 it. In conclusion, the banning
action
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 to protect local culture from
tourism
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 may prevent them
to decrease
Change preposition
from decreasing
show examples
 the indigenous value by
visitors
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.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
action
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 can bring drawbacks mainly in driving economic difficulties both
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 individual and national
scale
Fix the agreement mistake
scales
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, which can
weakening
Change the verb form
weaken
be weakening
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
overall
Linking Words
 fiscal conditions of certain nations that depend on the
tourism
Use synonyms
 sector.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Grammar
Be vigilant with verb tenses to enhance clarity and accuracy.
Content
Expand on your examples to more directly support your arguments and viewpoints.
Style
Consider varying your sentence structures to add interest and complexity to your writing.
Structure
Ensure your introduction clearly presents both views and your thesis statement to provide a solid foundation for your essay.
Conclusion
Include a brief summary of both views in your conclusion to provide a clear closure and reiterate your personal stance effectively.
Content
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which enhances the strength of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall logical flow of your essay is commendable, with clear transitions between paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influx of tourists
  • dilute local customs
  • commercialization
  • loss of native languages
  • economic benefits
  • revenue source
  • responsible tourism
  • cultural sensitivity
  • regulated tourist limits
  • cultural heritage
  • globalization
  • case study
  • ‘High Value, Low Impact’ tourism
  • controlled tourism
  • middle-ground solution
  • infrastructure development
  • significant revenue source
  • employment generation
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