IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that to protect local culture tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and that banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both these views and give your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, local culture has gained consideration among
people
Use synonyms
 who want them to be protected from
visitors
Use synonyms
, as it can reduce the value of their characteristics,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that the
action
Use synonyms
 will cause disadvantages. In my opinion, that
action
Use synonyms
 can cause financial drawbacks both
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 and large scale.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the first view, some
people
Use synonyms
 see that the
endavour
Correct your spelling
endeavour
 to prohibit
tourism
Use synonyms
 in order to protect local culture is prompted because there is a possibility that
people
Use synonyms
 will devalue its
indigeneous
Correct your spelling
indigenous
 worth. Take,
for example
Linking Words
, the renowned monument of remembrance in the Dayak village that was built with sacred white stones, and later was drawn with doodles by some tourists because they think the monument is pale enough. Ever since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the monument
lose
Wrong verb form
have lost
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 values
as well as
Linking Words
 characteristics. Reflecting
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 that story;
however
Linking Words
, I do not think the act of prohibiting
tourism
Use synonyms
 is an effective method unless the local municipalities impose a particular
action
Use synonyms
 that must be obeyed by
visitors
Use synonyms
 in order to not make them tampering the value of local cultures.
Move
Wrong verb form
Moving
show examples
 on to the opposite notion, the remarkable negative outcome that will follow the banning
action
Use synonyms
 relates to the weakening of fiscal conditions. In fact, some countries
such
Linking Words
 as Indonesia or New Zealand
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have almost 89% of their economic growth contributed
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
tourism
Use synonyms
 sector will be badly affected by the
action
Use synonyms
, since it will not only reduce the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who want to travel to their country but
also
Linking Words
 close the potential local businesses that can help
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from financial difficulties.
Therefore
Linking Words
, since the likelihood of the drawbacks will affect the economic conditions
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
 and national scale, I agree with the argument that the banning
action
Use synonyms
 of
tourism
Use synonyms
 will not
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
 the country that
impose
Change the verb form
imposes
show examples
 it. In conclusion, the banning
action
Use synonyms
 to protect local culture from
tourism
Use synonyms
 may prevent them
to decrease
Change preposition
from decreasing
show examples
 the indigenous value by
visitors
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
action
Use synonyms
 can bring drawbacks mainly in driving economic difficulties both
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 individual and national
scale
Fix the agreement mistake
scales
show examples
, which can
weakening
Change the verb form
weaken
be weakening
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
overall
Linking Words
 fiscal conditions of certain nations that depend on the
tourism
Use synonyms
 sector.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar
Be vigilant with verb tenses to enhance clarity and accuracy.
Content
Expand on your examples to more directly support your arguments and viewpoints.
Style
Consider varying your sentence structures to add interest and complexity to your writing.
Structure
Ensure your introduction clearly presents both views and your thesis statement to provide a solid foundation for your essay.
Conclusion
Include a brief summary of both views in your conclusion to provide a clear closure and reiterate your personal stance effectively.
Content
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which enhances the strength of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall logical flow of your essay is commendable, with clear transitions between paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influx of tourists
  • dilute local customs
  • commercialization
  • loss of native languages
  • economic benefits
  • revenue source
  • responsible tourism
  • cultural sensitivity
  • regulated tourist limits
  • cultural heritage
  • globalization
  • case study
  • ‘High Value, Low Impact’ tourism
  • controlled tourism
  • middle-ground solution
  • infrastructure development
  • significant revenue source
  • employment generation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: