In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #crime

In several countries, the rate of crime is rising. In

this

essay, my essay will show some reasons why

this

is happening and suggest several solutions to deal with

this

problem. There are two reasons behind the increase in crime.

Firstly

, the lack of family education is the most significant factor.

For instance

, parental divorce leads to a lack of love and time for their children, and inadequate education will develop a negative attitude. At

last

this

results in more serious crimes,

such

as bullying, or drug addiction.

Secondly

, unemployment is

also

an important factor. If people do not have income,

while

they still need to cover the cost of living, some of them may become thieves.

Consequently

, that has an enormous impact on the decreasing number of crime rates. There are several ways to decrease the number of crimes. To be specific, parents should spend more time

for

Change preposition

with

show examples

their kids by reducing working hours.

Thus

, they can have opportunities to listen to and share with their kids, thereby gaining a deeper understanding of them.

As a result

, their children can take a positive attitude toward life.

Furthermore

, the government should provide more

job

opportunities in order to reduce the rate of joblessness, and employees need to improve their skills and qualifications for the positions they’re applying for. By doing so, the government can create a variety of

job

markets and individuals can make themselves more attractive to employers and increase their chances of getting a

job

. If people can maintain their economic condition, they will not be involved in illegal activities. In conclusion, the number of crimes is growing

due to

inadequate family education and joblessness and

this

can be solved when parents spend more time

for

Change preposition

with

show examples

their children

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

and with the support of the government in creating

job

markets.

Submitted by phuongdungnurse on Thu Apr 11 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Make sure to link ideas between paragraphs more seamlessly, using a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance flow.

Task Achievement

Consider expanding on your examples with more detail to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.

Task Achievement

Your essay effectively addresses the prompts, providing a clear understanding of the main causes of crime and proposing viable solutions.

Coherence and Cohesion

You've successfully structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Task Achievement

Good use of examples to support your points, particularly in discussing the impact of lack of family education and unemployment on crime rates.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

302 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

economic disparity
propensity
recidivism
deterrent
rehabilitative
judicial system
corruption
socioeconomic
alienation
stigmatization
decriminalization
enforcement
gentrification
preemptive measures
intervention strategies

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In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

new technologies and ways of buying and selling are transformaing th elives of costumers. to waht extand do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

The first smartphone was released in 1992. By then year 2020 there may be as many as 2.5 billion smartphones in the world. The use of smartphones is decreasing our collective intelligence because we are reliant on the technology and not our own minds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?