Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.
Some say that it is more
favorable
to have less leisure Change the spelling
favourable
time
and more money because with
the additional income they have, they can buy Add the comma(s)
, with
time
for themselves, while
others say the opposite because of the necessity of the
mental health. I believe so long as we have enough income to cover our life expenses, we should have more Correct article usage
apply
time
for ourselves.
Working for long hours
and having a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
less
breaks is the way for some individuals because by doing Change the quantifier
fewer
this
, those people believe they can cover the extra time
they spend, such
as going for dinners outside rather than shopping and cooking for long hours
at home. Take Uber and taxi users, for example
, rather than people with urgent things to do at that specific moment, majority of the business people uses
individual transport systems because they do not want to spend long Change the verb form
use
hours
worrying about traffic flow and available parking lots, they spend their earnings made from working more for buying time
instead
. However
, I do not think this
is a
right approach because I do not see any logic behind compensating the Correct article usage
the
time
rose
from busy schedules.
Some Verb problem
saved
prefer
keep their jobs at more reasonable Add the particle
prefer to
hours
and dedicate the other period for
their rest and recreational Change preposition
to
activites
. Producing more and buying more is the Correct your spelling
activities
cutting edge
way of Add a hyphen
cutting-edge
live
for most Replace the word
life
of
Change preposition
apply
the
humans today. Correct article usage
apply
However
, in order to have a balanced and sustainable lifestyle, we need to have breaks and spend time
with ourselves, family and friends. Plenty of women and men face depression and burnout after busy schedules and start to quit their jobs because of the meaningless of
effort for endless earning day by day, Change preposition
apply
for instance
. I believe because of the result of being a
human, we need to stop doing what capitalism wants us to do and start investing more Correct article usage
apply
to
our individuality and the ones we love by not working for 16 Change preposition
in
hours
a day.
To conclude
, although
some of the time
we lose at work may be compensated by the extra income we have by diving more into jobs we have, I believe we should prioritize the break and rest time
to have a peaceful life.Submitted by :DDDDD on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Example depth
Focus on providing more varied and specific examples to support your points. While you include good examples, diversifying them can add depth to your argument.
Connective Language
Consider structuring your essay with more distinct transition phrases and connectors to enhance flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Introduction & Conclusion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, providing a clear stance on the topic.
Task Response
You presented a balanced discussion of both views before stating your own opinion, which aligns well with the task requirements.
Support of Main Points
Your main points are clearly supported, making your argument stronger.