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Band 2

Some people think that people who are over 60 years old should retire and stop working. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #years
Dear Sophie, Thank you for sending me an email, I’m very pleased to hear from you. Sorry for not writing
you
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to you
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 for a long time, I was very busy. I’m very glad that you had fun
in
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at
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 the Natural History Museum in Washington D.C. Our teachers usually take us to educational museums. I always go on school trips because I have a lot of fun with my friends there. The most memorable school trip was to the chocolate factory because I learned a lot of interesting facts about chocolate. You mentioned your parrot in the email, that I received from you. What is the parrot’s name? What colour is he? What does your parrot do when you are not spending time with him? I’ve to go now, my sister is asking me to help her with her homework. Write back soon. Best wishes, Nikolay
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
Your letter is a friendly and warm response to Sophie, expressing genuine interest in her experiences and sharing a bit about your own. However, the task was to write an essay discussing the retirement age, which this letter doesn't address. When writing, it's crucial to directly tackle the given topic to fulfill the task's requirements.
coherence cohesion
Your letter demonstrates clear coherence, with well-connected ideas and a good use of paragraphing to separate thoughts. However, in essay writing, coherence also involves developing arguments or discussions related to the topic at hand, which in this case, is missing. A more structured approach in discussing the prompt about the retirement age would improve coherence and cohesion in an essay setting.
general
For future essays or letters, ensure your response directly addresses the question or topic provided. If asked to express your views on a societal issue, structure your response with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore your viewpoints with examples, and a conclusion summarizing your stance. This practice will significantly enhance task achievement and coherence.
tone
Your letter exudes warmth and personal connection, indicating a strong ability to engage with the reader on a personal level. This skill is valuable in all forms of written communication.
coherence cohesion
You effectively use paragraphing to differentiate between topics, which aids in the reader's understanding and keeps your writing organized.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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