IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Space travel has been possible for some time and some people believe that space tourism could be developed in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, there is a growing trend of considering that
space
Use synonyms
tourism
Use synonyms
 could be developed in the
future
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. At the same time, there is some uncertainty as to the
merit
Fix the agreement mistake
merits
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 and
demerit
Fix the agreement mistake
demerits
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 of
this
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development
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. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both sides of the debate to seek a conclusion.
To begin
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 with, enterprising spirit is something we human beings inherent in our nature, the process of striving to make
space
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tourism
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 available itself is something that reflects
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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our
development
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 or even evolution.
Additionally
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, by developing
space
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tourism
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, more scientific and technological breakthroughs will be achieved and applied during the process. In
this
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 way, the exploration itself serves as a catalyst for
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overall
Correct article usage
the overall
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 innovation of cutting-edge technologies.
Furthermore
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, once
space
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tourism
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 comes to fruition, it will be possible for us to
exploring
Wrong verb form
explore
show examples
 for more resources that can be used as replacements to those
founded
Change the form of the verb
found
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 on Earth, or even
tracing
Wrong verb form
trace
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 the existence of extraterrestrial lives, which will definitely pose a positive impact on human
development
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.
On the other hand
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,
however
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,
such
Linking Words
development
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 will certainly cast huge burdens on each
countries'
Change noun form
country's
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 budget. With so many issues
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
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 unsolved at home,
for example
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, hunger, pollution,
social
Correct word choice
and social
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 disparities, it is hard to imagine investing large amounts of money
on
Change preposition
in
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such
Linking Words
venture
Correct article usage
a venture
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. What's more, even if it turns
to
Change preposition
into
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 reality in the
future
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, the huge cost of
space
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tourism
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 will only constrain it to those billionaires to experience,
thus
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further
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incorporates
Wrong verb form
incorporating
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 the
space
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 into the realm of capitalism.
Also
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, it is uncertain whether the
space
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 is as safe as we predict now, maybe the truth is that there are numerous
civilization
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civilizations
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 hostile to us outside.
Space
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 travel has been possible for some time and some people believe that
space
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tourism
Use synonyms
 could be developed in the
future
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. Do you think it is a positive or negative
development
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?To summarize,
space
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tourism
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 might have
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 positive impact in the
future
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,
however
Linking Words
, there's going to be a long way to go before we can make an assertion. Compared to dedicating all the investment
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
space
Use synonyms
tourism
Use synonyms
, it would be wiser to focus more on addressing the global challenges.

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Task Achievement
For task achievement, try to elaborate more on specific examples to support your ideas. This will help in articulating your arguments in a more compelling manner.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure and logical flow; however, to further enhance coherence, you may want to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs for a more seamless read.
Coherence & Cohesion
It's beneficial to occasionally revisit your introduction and conclusion to ensure they are compelling and reflective of your essay's main ideas. This strengthens your overall argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the scene for the discussion, engaging the reader right from the start.
Task Achievement
The essay showcases a good balance in discussing both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a complete response.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've demonstrated an ability to articulate a complex topic in a structured manner, reflecting good logical structure throughout your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advancement in technology
  • Scientific knowledge
  • Economic benefits
  • Environmental impact
  • Inequality
  • Regulation
  • Sustainable practices
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