IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#people #money #support
In
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 capitalist society,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
 perceive money as a universal measurement of
success
. In fact, it is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial
wealthiness
Replace the word
wealth
show examples
 can bring one a high-quality
life
.
However
, I do not agree that a high-quality
life
 is always linked with the
success
 of one's
life
.
This
 essay will demonstrate reasons why I go against the given statement. The primary reason is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 each and every person's standard of "
success
" is different. It is true that some
people
 might think that their
success
 can be met by stacking up
cashes
Change the wording
cash
amounts of cash
flows of cash
fistfuls of cash
show examples
. But the important thing is that
this
 is not the only case. Some
people
's "
success
" could be deeply investigating their field of interest, having a large family with many children, or even living
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
long time. Personally, my "
success
" is ending my
life
 in peace, without any
suffer
Change the form of the verb
suffering
show examples
. As
such
, since every
people's
Fix the agreement mistake
person's
show examples
 perspective on their lives
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 different, the amount of money cannot be the only thing that brings one to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
.
To sum up
,
people
 do not have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to blame
people
 who consider money
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 the only way to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
.
However
, in my opinion, it is false to generalize that financial
success
 is the only goal that every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
desire
Correct subject-verb agreement
desires
show examples
.
Submitted by yelim050319 on

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content depth
Explore diverse perspectives to enrich your argument, offering a wider range of examples and deeper analysis.
language use
Incorporate a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your writing's complexity and interest.
task response enhancement
To further improve task response, consider explicitly addressing the counterargument to strengthen your position.
coherence improvement
Enhance coherence by using more transitional phrases that clearly link your ideas and paragraphs.
thesis clarity
Your essay effectively communicates your disagreement with the statement, clearly stating your thesis.
personal touch
Good job in presenting a personal view on success, which makes your argument more relatable.
structure
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, making your position and summary clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • subjective
  • fulfillment
  • personal happiness
  • contributions to society
  • volunteering
  • activism
  • personal achievements
  • academic accomplishments
  • mastering a skill
  • indicators of success
  • independent of monetary wealth
  • financial stability
  • monetary wealth
  • emotional well-being
  • societal impact
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