IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance tech which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #rate #advance #tech
Advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
Advancements
show examples
 in technology
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 benefitted our society a lot. Some say that the advent has made
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
peaceful
Correct article usage
a peaceful
show examples
 place to live because
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
criminals are scared of
beign
Correct your spelling
being
 caught.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, I do not agree with the notion and showcase the reasons in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 paragraphs No doubt that
invention
Correct article usage
the invention
show examples
 of call tracking,
GPS
Correct word choice
and GPS
show examples
 helped Police to catch the
wrong doers
Correct your spelling
wrongdoers
show examples
,
however
, there are some progresses
those
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 led to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 crime rate. For exam,
bomb
Fix the agreement mistake
bombs
show examples
 are
also
 an invention of science,
hundred
Correct your spelling
hundreds
show examples
 of
people
 can die in one bomb explosion and
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 is
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the case
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other weapons. Yes, they are made for the welfare of mankind but some
people
 who are inclined towards bad things or influenced by bad
people
 use them in
negative
Change the article
a negative
show examples
 way. Moving
further
, on television some programs are telecasted to aware
people
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 crimes like
muders
Correct your spelling
murders
, thefts, online abuse etcetera but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
 teach new
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 to criminals to save themselves and bring new
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 to
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
.
Therefore
, lawbreakers have become more smart as compared to old times.
To conclude
, in spite,
technology
Change preposition
of technology
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 helpful
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 finding culprits and punishing them, it helps criminals to search
new
Change preposition
for new
show examples
 ways
criminal
Change preposition
of criminal
show examples
 activities.
Hence
, we can not win the game between right
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 wrong until we all come together and fight against them.
Submitted by lovekirandeepk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Focus on clearly organizing your essay with distinct paragraphs, each representing a new idea or aspect of your argument. This will enhance the logical structure of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined. Introduce your viewpoint more distinctly in the opening and succinctly summarize it in the conclusion for greater impact.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a variety of sentence structures and transitions to fluidly connect ideas between and within paragraphs, enhancing the clarity and readability of your essay.
task achievement
Develop your arguments with more specific examples and evidence. Providing detailed instances or data can strengthen your main points and make your response more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt by presenting a clear stance and thoroughly elaborating on your reasons for that stance. A more focused approach will improve task achievement.
task achievement
You've engaged directly with the prompt by stating your disagreement and attempting to explore reasons why.
coherence cohesion
The inclusion of an introduction and conclusion helps to frame your argument and gives your essay a clear structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: