IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Small shops in towns and villages are closing and are being replaced by big stores. Do you think it is a good or a bad trend? Explain your opinion.

#shops #towns #villages #stores #trend
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In the past 50 years, a lot of small businesses have been replaced by large shopping centres. people
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 malls because they can find everything they want in
one
Use synonyms
place
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 affects small store owners negatively. undoubtedly there are a lot of drawbacks,
I
Correct word choice
but I
show examples
believe the benefits are more substantial.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is undeniable that big centres are
preferred
Correct article usage
the preferred
show examples
 destination for all ages. People can find everything they want in
one
Use synonyms
place
Use synonyms
 and choose the most convenient product for their budget because they can easily compare the same product prices in different stores.
Moreover
Linking Words
, shopping in
one
Use synonyms
place
Use synonyms
 is time-saving,
for example
Linking Words
,
instead
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 of going to the market to buy groceries and
then
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 going to the pharmacy to buy some medicines, it is much way easier to find them all in
one
Use synonyms
place
Use synonyms
.
secondly
Linking Words
, opening new malls in small towns plays an essential role in developing suburbs,
besides
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 providing employment opportunities to the locals. recent research in Brno done in 2020 has found that after opening the first shopping centre number of unemployed has decreased dramatically,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
this
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 centre recruited 20% of locals in different positions in
this
Linking Words
one
Use synonyms
place
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as cashiers, chefs for the restaurants, and even nurses for the first aid. in conclusion, despite the negative effects of the malls on small store owners,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, finding all the needs in
one
Use synonyms
place
Use synonyms
 is time-saving and financially beneficial; easy to find the best price that suits own budget, not only
this
Linking Words
 but
also
Linking Words
 provides work positions for the
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 in the
erea
Correct your spelling
area
.
Submitted by joudfadi2000 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to capitalize the first word of each sentence to maintain proper punctuation.
task achievement
Try to avoid small grammatical errors, such as missing articles or incorrect word forms, to enhance clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task by exploring both the advantages and disadvantages of the trend.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like the research in Brno, strengthens the argument, illustrating real-world effects of shopping centers.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the argument effectively. This enhances readability and cohesiveness.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically outlines the reasons why large shopping centers are beneficial, leading from one point to the next smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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