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Band 5.5

Nowadays, more and more people choose to do their shopping online instead of going to physical stores. Why is this so? What are the disadvantages of this trend?

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The internet is changing our world at a dramatic pace. It is quite common nowadays, that
people
Use synonyms
 are more inclined towards buying things on online platforms
instead
Linking Words
 of going to supermarkets and malls.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore the main reasons for choosing online applications,
as well as
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 the potential drawbacks of
this
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 practice. The reasons for considering applications like Zara, H&M and Hollister are multiple.
Customers
Use synonyms
 find it quite convenient to shop from these as it can save them time and energy.
This
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 is because they can easily filter out many choices to get the best product fit.
Moreover
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, shopping from these would be a great alternative to spending money on rides in order to carry heavy shopping baggage home. These buying tools not only provide
great
Add an article
the great
show examples
 benefit of delivering the products
Change preposition
to
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on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 your doorstep but
also
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saves
Correct subject-verb agreement
save
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 a ton of money
Change preposition
for
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to
Change preposition
for
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 those who shop lots. On top of that, both
consumers
Use synonyms
 and
customers
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 may get favoured
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend as sellers can easily sell their stuck inventory and
on the other
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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customers
Use synonyms
 can seek more discounts and promotions on numerous products.
Thus
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can save more on their clothes when they shop through the internet and get access to clearance in which they can do filtration
according to
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 their choice and colours. Despite these valid reasons, shopping online has some downsides.
Firstly
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,
customers
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 may suffer in terms of quality as virtually the product might
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 attractive to the buyer but not in reality.
Secondly
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, the
consumers
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 might have some regulations for final sale items to neither do exchanges nor refunds.
However
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,
consumers
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 get
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 in one way but on the flip side, buyers have to compromise with their money.
Additionally
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, some
people
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 might get scammed by robbers who can
stole
Change the verb form
steal
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their
Change the word
the
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 credit and debit card information that they provided on the shopping apps. As mobile phones can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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easily get robbed and even hacked,
therefore
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,
proves
Correct subject-verb agreement
prove
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 a threat to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online shoppers.
To conclude
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,
although
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 online shopping offers cons, some
people
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 still like to go with the trend of getting stuff online as they think that in
this
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 way, they could save an hour or so and get
comfort
Add an article
the comfort
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 of buying things even sitting on their beds.
However
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, they are risking their financials by paying
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consumers
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 digitally as credentials may get hacked easily
due to
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advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
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 in technology.

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Structure
Ensure your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use paragraphing effectively to separate your ideas.
Linking
To enhance clarity and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
Examples
Include specific examples to bolster your arguments. The more detailed and specific you are, the more convincing your essay will be.
Balance
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of online shopping.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, showing a good understanding of the essay structure.
Content
You have made a good attempt at explaining reasons behind the trend towards online shopping, and identified key disadvantages, showing an understanding of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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