Some people think that in order to produce a happy society,it is necessary to ensure that there is only a small difference between the earning of the richest and poorest.

Many individuals believe that in order to

increasing

Change the verb

increase

show examples

manufacturere

Correct your spelling

manufacturing

crucial

Correct article usage

a crucial

show examples

role

Change preposition

in a

show examples

happy

society

Use synonyms

Linking Words

addition

Add a comma

addition,

show examples

it is important

ensure

Add the particle

to ensure

show examples

that there

only

Add a missing verb

is only

show examples

a little

separate

Replace the word

separation

show examples

between

make

Wrong verb form

making

show examples

money

the

Change preposition

between the

show examples

richest humans and

poorest

Correct article usage

the poorest

show examples

humans.

While

Linking Words

there

provide

Verb problem

are

show examples

more benefits for

society

Use synonyms

Linking Words

however

Add the comma(s)

, however

show examples

, I partly agree with

this

Linking Words

point of

views

Fix the agreement mistake

view

show examples

. From one perspective, there are several advantages of producing

Change preposition

show examples

society

Use synonyms

improve

Wrong verb form

improving

show examples

people

Use synonyms

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

and

create

Wrong verb form

creating

show examples

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

new jobs.

Moreover

Linking Words

,it

is help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

equality between

richest

Correct article usage

the richest

show examples

and

poorest

Correct article usage

the poorest

show examples

.To explain,

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

building new

factors

Use synonyms

in the overcrowded regions

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

create

Correct subject-verb agreement

creates

show examples

new jobs for young generations.

As a

Linking Words

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

many young

people

Use synonyms

become stable

works

Replace the word

workers

show examples

and reduce poverty . Because they help financial for their families and it

contribute

Change the verb form

contributes

show examples

elemante

Correct your spelling

element

eliminate

difference between richest and poorest.

For example

Linking Words

according to

Linking Words

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

recent statistics nowadays many companies

extended

Wrong verb form

extend

show examples

their employees in

this

Linking Words

case

create

Wrong verb form

creating

show examples

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

new jobs and help decreasing unemployment rates among teenagers.

Therefore

Linking Words

, raising produce

factors

Use synonyms

offer

Correct subject-verb agreement

offers

show examples

more opportunities for

humans lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

human lifestyles

show examples

. From

other perspective

Change the wording

another perspective

other perspectives

show examples

, increasing produce

factors

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

society

Use synonyms

make more

benefits

Correct subject-verb agreement

benefit

show examples

richest

Correct article usage

the richest

show examples

people

Use synonyms

than

poorest

Correct article usage

the poorest

show examples

people

Use synonyms

. That

cause

Correct subject-verb agreement

causes

show examples

pressure poorest

people

Use synonyms

and

Correct article usage

a lost

show examples

lost

Replace the word

loss

show examples

equality

Change preposition

of equality

show examples

That is

Linking Words

,wealthy individuals

strat

Correct your spelling

start

show examples

own

Correct pronoun usage

their own

show examples

business

Fix the agreement mistake

businesses

show examples

get

Correct word choice

and get

show examples

employees for their organizations.

As a consequence

Linking Words

,they use

cheap

Correct article usage

a cheap

show examples

workforce

Fix the infinitive

show examples

make big

profit

Fix the agreement mistake

profits

show examples

from employees but they get only salary in

this

Linking Words

case become gain wealth.

For instance

Linking Words

, big

factors

Use synonyms

owners

very

Add a missing verb

are very

show examples

rich than staffs because they make more profit. In conclusion, increasing

produce

Replace the word

production

show examples

factors

Use synonyms

provide opportunities

Change preposition

for

show examples

society

Use synonyms

.But it is not maybe beneficial

equality

Change preposition

for equality

show examples

both

Change preposition

for both

show examples

groups .

soglomovsarvar

Apr 12, 2024

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Language Clarity

Work on clarity in expressing your ideas. Sometimes, your sentences are hard to follow due to grammatical errors and unconventional phrasing. Simplify your language for greater impact.

Structure

Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.

Use of Examples

Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Examples help to illustrate your points and make your essay more convincing.

Understanding of Topic

You have touched upon the critical discussion points regarding the impact of income disparity on society, showing a good grasp of the subject.

Analytical Skills

Your essay demonstrates effort to link the production factors to societal well-being, indicating an understanding of complex socioeconomic dynamics.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
56
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

242 words

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Some people think that in order to produce a happy society,it is necessary to ensure that there is only a small difference between the earning of the richest and poorest.

Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for the individual and the family than eating out in restaurants or canteens. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Many manufactured food and drinks contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?