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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Poverty is a problem that affects the majority of children these days. Discuss the effects of poverty on society and suggest some solutions to this problem.

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Most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people assume that
poverty
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 exerts an increasingly negative influence on
children
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 and society these days. There are some impacts
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 be shown
due to
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poverty
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 and there are several solutions to alleviate
this
Linking Words
 issue.
To begin
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 with,
poverty
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 can cause several problems
to
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for
show examples
children
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 and society. First of all, the growth and development of
children
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 can be distracted
due to
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poverty
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.
Children
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 have to take care solely of basic things
such
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 as sanitation, their health and more
instead
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 of finding their interests or dreaming of their future, leading to the deprivation of opportunities for
children
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.
In addition
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, the enhancement of
countries
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 is not achieved because of
poverty
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. It is impossible for governments and authorities to invest a huge amount of money in the industry of infrastructure, healthcare, welfare and more.
For example
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, the difference
of
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between
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 developing
countries
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 and developed
countries
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shows
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show
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a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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significant
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significantly
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 different results based on each
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countries’
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country’s
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 financial
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
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.
Nevertheless
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, there are several ways to tackle
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, developing
countries
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, especially are suffering from
poverty
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, have to try their best to find the industry which can be developed. If they commence to improve the specific industry in order to solve a
poverty
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 issue, there will be a lot of possibilities that they can escape from
poverty
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.
For example
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, the government of South Korea had decided to improve the field of manufacturing in order to develop the country after
Korean
Add an article
the Korean
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war
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War
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.
As a result
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 of their decisions, South Korea could become one of the richest
countries
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 all over the world nowadays.
Moreover
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, many rich
countries
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 worldwide should cooperate
each
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with each
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 other
for helping
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to help
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 poor
countries
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. Poor
countries
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 have the right to live well along together on
this
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 planet.
Therefore
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, assisting
with
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apply
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poor
countries
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 is one of the responsibilities
for
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of
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 rich
countries
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. In conclusion, governments of developed
countries
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 and developing
countries
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 should work together to alleviate
poverty
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. It is imperative for everyone to live well together on earth for the sake of everyone’s happiness.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which enhances the overall coherence and cohesion of your response. To improve further, try to ensure a more seamless flow of ideas between paragraphs with varied and well-structured sentence transitions.
task achievement
You've done well to answer the task by discussing the effects of poverty on society and suggesting solutions. For an even stronger response, consider adding more detailed examples and evidence to support your points. This could include statistics, studies, or more specific real-world examples that lend weight to your arguments.
task achievement
You've clearly addressed both parts of the question - discussing the effects of poverty and suggesting solutions, which meets the task achievement criteria well.
coherence cohesion
The organization of your essay into paragraphs for discussing problems and providing solutions shows good logical structure and helps in making your argument clear and understandable.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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