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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience instead. Discuss both sides ang give your opinion.

#people #university #guarantee #job #work #ang
Some people emphasize that getting a high degree from university is the best way to get a guaranteed
job
, others think that going straight
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work after school graduation and getting experience there is better for anybody.
Although
 these two statements seem to be reasonable, I would argue with the latter group of people. On the one hand, the
knowledge
 given by universities seems beneficial for many individuals because it provides us
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
high-level promotion and reputation in today’s society. To explain, it is so complicated to find a good
job
 without diplomas and different certificates because employers only believe your
knowledge
 and profitable skills
taught
Add a missing verb
are taught
show examples
 by university professors.
As a result
, all of us try to gain
knowledge
 and achieve better standards of life through our jobs.
For example
, the rate of well-educated individuals
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Uzbekistan is increasing because the population of
this
 country know that it is almost impossible to find a good
job
 without
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
Correct article usage
a universities
show examples
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
.
On the other hand
, many believe that getting
accomplishment
Replace the word
accomplished
show examples
 at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 is
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
 method to learn any skill fast. For explanation, the
knowledge
 of high education helps to improve our thoughts.
However
, it does not teach us about
challenges
Correct article usage
the challenges
show examples
 that you face working process.
Therefore
, practicing is the best method to be
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 qualified and experienced employee.
For instance
, if you want to be a photographer or a cook, you should learn all of
Add an article
the thing
show examples
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 related to them.
Then
, you can understand the secrets of your
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
job
. In conclusion,
while
 some people believe
that
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the importance of
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 education, others say that practice is more vital to get
job
 experience as they know the challenges of working.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay organization and clarity are commendable. To enhance your coherence, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, it could be helpful to include more specific examples and evidence to fully support your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and complete.
task achievement
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, presenting a clear viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
You've maintained a good logical structure throughout your essay, making it easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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