IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

A number of people are moving from rural area to city’s. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#people #area #city’s #development
Nowadays, Urbanization has become spread all around the world. As far as I’m concerned,
this
 phenomenon has several drawbacks which I will discuss in the following paragraphs. First of all, migration of
people
 from rural areas to metropolitan
cities
 will cause enormous overpopulation which lead to more
traffics
Correct subject-verb agreement
traffic
show examples
 both in the streets and subways
all days
Fix the agreement mistake
every day
show examples
 and in the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
this
 issue will cause lots of
pollution
such
 as air
pollution
 and noise
pollution
.
For example
, here in
Tehran
 thousands of
people
 migrate from their home town to
Tehran
 and
Tehran
Change noun form
Tehran's
show examples
 population has been increased for 10 years and there are lots of problems which are more traffic and
pollution
.
Moreover
,
people
 suffer from anxiety, stress and headaches which originated from overpopulation.
Furthermore
, limitation in job opportunities is another disadvantage caused by urbanization.
People
 who come to big
cities
such
 as
Tehran
 have a main purpose which is to find any job with a relatively low salary.
Therefore
, employers tend to hire
this
 person
instead
 of a person who
leaves
Verb problem
lives
show examples
 in the capital and
demand
Correct subject-verb agreement
demands
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a high salary.
For instance
, in
Tehran
due to
 high inflation which is caused by
sanctions
Add a comma
sanctions,
show examples
 employers prefer to employ
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 with low
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
 which is caused by improper economic situations. In conclusion, migration to metropolitan
cities
 has been an issue for the
people
 who live in
cities
 in recent years and will deteriorate the
people
’s life quality.
Submitted by khashayarpartovi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar & Sentence Structure
To improve your score further, aim to avoid minor grammatical errors and work on varying your sentence structure to enhance the sophistication of your writing.
Vocabulary & Specificity
Consider expanding your arguments with a wider range of vocabulary specific to the topic of urbanization and its impacts. This could help make your points more vivid and persuasive.
Argument Development
Include a balanced perspective or briefly mention potential positive aspects of urbanization alongside the negatives. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Structure & Coherence
You provided a clear structure with a proper introduction, developed paragraphs discussing different issues, and a summarizing conclusion, which helped in creating a coherent argument.
Task Response & Examples
Your essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a well-reasoned argument on the negative aspects of urbanization with relevant examples, particularly the case study of Tehran.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban migration
  • overcrowding
  • intellectual growth
  • strain on resources
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • rural depopulation
  • agricultural sectors
  • job opportunities
  • improved living conditions
  • community
  • cost of living
  • quality of life
  • wellbeing
  • traditional lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: