The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006
The bar chart provides information regarding how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
mobile, online, console, and handheld
games
have been sold worldwide from 2000 to 2006.
It is clear that
although
mobile, online, and handheld
games
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
gaining
Wrong verb form
gained
show examples
popularity over the
six
Correct word choice
last six
show examples
years, console
games
are sold less and less.
Also
, handheld
games
remain
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the best seller among all
games
in the entire given period. Specifically speaking, the sales of handheld
games
increased steadily from 11 to a peak of about 17.5 billion dollars.
Similarly
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
online
games
grew gradually in the market share.
Although
neither of them
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
sold in the first year, the sales of both
games
rose dramatically to 7 and 9 billion dollars respectively in 2006. Console
games
,
however
, witnessed a considerable drop to 3 billion, half of the amount reported at the beginning.
On the other hand
, handheld
games
are by far the most popular game over the six-year period. Console
games
ranked in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place in 2000 but fell to the
last
at the end
. Mobile and online
games
did not have much difference in terms of sales records until 2006, when online
games
were sold for a
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
show examples
higher amount than
the
Change the word
their
show examples
mobile counterparts.
Submitted by 2631272260 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
Vocabulary: Replace the words games with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Trends
  • Surpassed
  • Advent
  • Steady growth
  • Fluctuating sales
  • Technological advancements
  • Proliferation
  • Year-on-year growth
  • Factors influencing
  • Peak sales
  • Demographic shifts
  • Engagement
  • Driving the sales
  • Blockbuster titles
  • Major game releases
  • Spurring
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