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Band 5

PEOPLE NOWADAYS ARE NOT FIT AND ACTIVE THAN THE PEOPLE FROM THE OLDEN DAYS. DISCUSS THE CAUSES FOR THIS SITUATION AND SUGGEST SOME POSSIBLE SITUATIONS.

#people #situation #situations
It is a widely
accepeted
Correct your spelling
accepted
 fact that, that previous generations were more healthy and
in-shape
Correct your spelling
in shape
show examples
 in
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 to the recent one.The
invention
 of modern appliances and consumption of convenience
fastfood
Correct your spelling
fast food
 are the major causes of
this
 problem and turning to the fitness
regims
Correct your spelling
regimens
 and utilization of less processed meals are the possible solutions. First of all,
due to
 the
invention
 of high-tech machinery, the workload of an individual is
minimze
Correct your spelling
minimal
 and now the basic tasks which
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 a lot of toil are now performed in seconds.
This
 on one end
providing
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
 ease to an individual and on another hand it
also
 turns him into an indolent one.
For instance
,
due to
invention
Correct article usage
the invention
show examples
 of cargo elevators and lifts installed in buildings, not only efforts are minimized, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
show examples
 the turmoil. The possible solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 is to avoid elevators for minor work and keep yourself active through involvement in sports and physical fitness programs.
Secondly
,
Due to
invention
Correct article usage
the invention
show examples
 of fried food items like zinger burgers ,steaks and crispy
broasts
Correct your spelling
breasts
roasts
boasts
, these items, when consumed on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis, not only
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 the weight of a person
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 prone them to diseases like
artherosclerosis
Correct your spelling
atherosclerosis
 diabetes and hypertension, which not only affects the health but
also
 damages the body.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
diabeteic
Correct your spelling
diabetic
 foot is an adverse effect caused by spiked levels of glucose in
blood
Add an article
the blood
show examples
.The possible solution to
this
 problem is to avoid
junkfood
Correct your spelling
junk food
 and to
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 lifestyle with
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of green leafy
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
 and fruits .
To conclude
, as
this
 generation
adapted
Correct your spelling
adopted
show examples
 a
sedentry
Correct your spelling
sedentary
 lifestyle and to make matters more serious the utilization of
Correct article usage
an oil
show examples
oil rich
Add a hyphen
oil-rich
show examples
 diet creates
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
havoc in an individual life.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 an active lifestyle and
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 adaptation to a
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
show examples
 diet is a possible solution to
this
 burning problem.
Submitted by mahambaqai on

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Language Precision
Be careful with spelling and punctuation. Minor errors, such as 'accepeted' instead of 'accepted', can distract from the clarity of your message. Consider using tools to check spelling before finalizing your essay.
Sentence Variety
Work on the variety of sentence structures. Using a mix of complex and simple sentences can enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use transitions more effectively between sentences and paragraphs. This can help in making your essay more coherent and fluent, guiding the reader through your arguments smoothly.
Task Response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Real-life examples or statistics can significantly strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
Effective Conclusion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes the essay effectively. Restating the main points and your stance clearly in the conclusion will make your argument more memorable and impactful.
Task Achievement
You addressed both parts of the task: discussing the causes and suggesting solutions, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task requirements.
Structural Organization
The essay is organized in paragraphs, each focusing on a particular aspect of the topic, which aids in the essay's overall structure and clarity.
Engagement with Topic
You engaged with the topic well, showing an awareness of the factors contributing to current health trends and suggesting practical solutions.

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