IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children should spend all their free time with their families, while others think they should spend more time with friends or in extracurricular activities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that
children
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 should spend their leisure
time
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 with family,
whereas
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 others think
children
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 need to play with friends or participate in extracurricular activities.
This
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 essay will argue that
although
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 spending
time
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 with family
instills
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instils
show examples
 cultural
values
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, I believe that
socializing
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socialising
show examples
 with peers and pursuing extracurricular interests are vital for a child's development. On the one hand, people say that
children
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 need to spend their free
time
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 with family, as it helps them learn about their cultural
values
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. When a child spends
time
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 with their
parents
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 and grandparents, they will understand the value of relationships and feel secure.
For example
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, in India, during school holidays,
children
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 will be taken to their cousins' or grandparents' places to enjoy their break.
This
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 way,
children
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 will learn about different lifestyles and the
values
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 they follow. I believe that
parents
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 need to give their
children
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 an opportunity to explore something outside family boundaries.
On the other hand
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, some people believe that
children
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 should play with friends and engage themselves in
specialized
Change the spelling
specialised
show examples
 games, skilled activities like swimming, and dance classes. Apart from the school curriculum,
children
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 should learn how to
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
show examples
 with peers as they need to grow in
this
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 circumstance.
Moreover
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, learning new skills will contribute to their mental and physical health.
For instance
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, in the US, many
parents
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 send their
children
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 to summer camps and
enroll
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enrol
show examples
 them in coding classes, which makes them more efficient, and these learnings will help them in their adulthood. I believe
this
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 will help
children
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 to be social and explore their interests. In conclusion, during free
time
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,
children
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 should not be restricted to know only about family
values
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; they
also
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 need to get
along with
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 their peers and learn skills which they are interested in. I think
parents
Use synonyms
 should encourage their
children
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 to identify their interests and help them to develop the same.

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task response
Make your main view even more clear in each body part.
task response
Add a bit more detail to explain why each point is important.
task response
Your examples are good, but one example can be more direct and more real.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care so ideas flow more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are a little long, so break them into shorter parts.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and develop it fully.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own opinion clearly.
task response
Your ideas are easy to follow and stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraphing and logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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