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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people's reading and writing skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is thought that those who
at
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are at
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 an early age are more likely to be negatively impacted by the
raising
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rising
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 utilization of
smart phones
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smartphones
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 and computers in conversation. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with
this
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 and will show my reasons in
this
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 essay. First of all, using multifunctional devices
such
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 as cell phones and laptops to communicate with other people makes them more prone to illnesses and diseases as the implication of sticking
eyes
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their eyes
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 to their digital screens
in
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for
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 a long time. the mitigation in
eyes
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eye
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 capability and getting myopia are a case in point for
this
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 which limits them to
read
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reading
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 or
write
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writing
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.
This
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 can be illustrated by a minority of Vietnamese young students who immerse themselves in virtual worlds and just express themselves with others through social chatting platforms.
As a result
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, they soon find
difficult
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it difficult
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 to read books and lessons making them have no knowledge to apply
for
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to
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 writing
skill
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skills
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.
Furthermore
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, the consequences of increasing chat with friends and family by digital devices
also
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 lessen the speed of their development. The primary reason is that people expand their knowledge about cultures and languages by having direct
conversation
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conversations
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 with others as
this
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 helps them enhance
the
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their
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 diverse vocabulary and understanding, which plays a vital role in developing writing and reading skills.
For instance
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, international students improve their
skill
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skills
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 of reading and writing in English by daily practice in
real
Correct article usage
the real
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 world.
Therefore
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, using computers and phones to converse with people will mitigate the speed of development. In conclusion, I believe that kids will have wrong decision in their life as the result of the incorrect way that they choose to communicate. Language limitation and short-sighted eyes are two of the most outstanding negative that are needed to be taken into consideration in order to avoid problems.

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Task Response
Make sure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. Your thesis statement should clearly state your opinion on the topic.
Task Response
Support your main points with specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Aim for a clear structure in your essay with well-defined paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting sentences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Using a range of conjunctions and discourse markers can enhance the flow of your essay and help with the cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly structured, which helps to frame your essay effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've successfully provided reasons and elaborations for your main points, contributing to a coherent argument.
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