Some people believe that schools should only teach children subjects which are beneficial to their future career and therefore others subjects such as music and sports are not important To what extend do you agree or disagree

#people #schools #children #subjects #future #career #music #sports

Technology has revolutionized the world in an astonishing way.

Now-a-days

Correct the word

Nowadays

show examples

, students in their schooling

consists

Correct subject-verb agreement

consist

show examples

of various subjects. Some of these subjects are

neccessary

Correct your spelling

necessary

to make a bright future

while

some activities are involved to make children healthy and more concentrated.

However

, there is a thinking among population that the subjects

such

as science and maths should

be teach

Change the verb form

be taught

show examples

to the students as these are necessary to develop

career

Correct article usage

a career

show examples

and other activities like

music

and

sports

have no value in their

life

, so these should be eliminated from

curriculum

Add an article

the curriculum

show examples

. I mostly disagree with

this

prospective

Correct your spelling

perspective

show examples

, as these additional tasks are

also

an important part of

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

life

. To commence with, it is essential for

student

Add an article

a student

the student

show examples

to focus on the fundamental subject as these will enhance their chances to be successful in their

life

Although

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

not only science and maths always

helps

Correct subject-verb agreement

help

show examples

to make an individual succeed,

sports

and

music

also

have good scope.

For instance

, Indian

cricketer

Fix the agreement mistake

cricketers

show examples

Virat Kohli and MS Dhoni have a developed career only by

practicing

Change the spelling

practising

show examples

sports

Add an article

a sports

show examples

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

Moreover

additional

Add an article

an additional

show examples

task

Fix the agreement mistake

tasks

show examples

such

music

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

also

neccessary

Correct your spelling

necessary

in school

life

, because

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

acts

Correct subject-verb agreement

act

show examples

like a stress-buster in between the regular periods of other courses. A leisure break from cramming is

also

important to make a child more concentrated on school work. On

other

Correct article usage

the other

show examples

hand, sometimes juveniles

starts

Change the verb form

start

show examples

spending more time in other games which are neither helpful to

maintain

Wrong verb form

maintaining

show examples

good health nor

it builds

Wrong verb form

building

show examples

a bright future. As it is very essential for everyone to be independent and financially strong with a modern lifestyle, it is required to work on your aim

also

. If any additional habit

such

as playing video games is disturbing a student by compromising with his/her good marks,

then

it is unimportant to go for

such

entertainment. To recapitulate, I can say that

sports

and musical activities

helps

Change the verb form

help

show examples

to keep

younsters

Correct your spelling

youngsters

relaxed, maintain sharp remembering capacity and

healthy

Correct article usage

a healthy

show examples

body.

Therefore

, it is inevitable to

involve

Wrong verb form

be involved

show examples

such

courses to make youngsters enjoy their

teenager

Replace the word

teenage

show examples

life

in addition

to working on their goals.

Furthermore

Change preposition

with

show examples

proper training and practice, anyone can

also

look

sports

Change preposition

at sports

show examples

and

music

as a career opportunity.

Submitted by sunitarani00784 on Fri Apr 12 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to directly address the essay question in both your introduction and conclusion to strengthen task achievement. Clearly stating your position helps to make your argument more persuasive.

task achievement

Try to develop your main ideas further by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This will help to make your essay more convincing and improve task achievement.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, which will enhance coherence and cohesion.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by clear examples or reasons, to improve the logical structure and clarity of your essay.

task achievement

You have included relevant examples, such as mentioning Indian cricketers Virat Kohli and MS Dhoni, which add value to your argument and engage the reader.

task achievement

Your essay presents a balanced discussion on the importance of both academic and extracurricular activities in education, reflecting a well-considered perspective.

coherence cohesion

The overall structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This logical structure helps to make your argument more coherent.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

357 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that schools should only teach children subjects which are beneficial to their future career and therefore others subjects such as music and sports are not important To what extend do you agree or disagree

Include an introduction and conclusion

Living in the countryside is better than living in the city. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many people believe that it’s better to learn something in a group rather than individually. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree about this opinion?

Excessive sugar consumption causes many diseases. Some people think that it is the government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption while others think that it is the individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views

In some countries, more and more people are interested in finding about the history of the house or building they live in. Discuss both view and give your own opinion?