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Some people believe that schools should only teach children subjects which are beneficial to their future career and therefore others subjects such as music and sports are not important To what extend do you agree or disagree

#people #schools #children #subjects #future #career #music #sports
Technology has revolutionized the world in an astonishing way.
Now-a-days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
, students in their schooling
consists
Correct subject-verb agreement
consist
show examples
 of various subjects. Some of these subjects are
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to make a bright future
while
 some activities are involved to make children healthy and more concentrated.
However
, there is a thinking among population that the subjects
such
 as science and maths should
be teach
Change the verb form
be taught
show examples
 to the students as these are necessary to develop
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 and other activities like
music
 and
sports
 have no value in their
life
, so these should be eliminated from
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
show examples
. I mostly disagree with
this
prospective
Correct your spelling
perspective
show examples
, as these additional tasks are
also
 an important part of
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
life
. To commence with, it is essential for
student
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
 to focus on the fundamental subject as these will enhance their chances to be successful in their
life
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 not only science and maths always
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to make an individual succeed,
sports
 and
music
also
 have good scope.
For instance
, Indian
cricketer
Fix the agreement mistake
cricketers
show examples
 Virat Kohli and MS Dhoni have a developed career only by
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 in
sports
Add an article
a sports
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
.
Moreover
,
additional
Add an article
an additional
show examples
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
such
 as
music
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 in school
life
, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
acts
Correct subject-verb agreement
act
show examples
 like a stress-buster in between the regular periods of other courses. A leisure break from cramming is
also
 important to make a child more concentrated on school work. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, sometimes juveniles
starts
Change the verb form
start
show examples
 spending more time in other games which are neither helpful to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
 good health nor
it builds
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 a bright future. As it is very essential for everyone to be independent and financially strong with a modern lifestyle, it is required to work on your aim
also
. If any additional habit
such
 as playing video games is disturbing a student by compromising with his/her good marks,
then
 it is unimportant to go for
such
 entertainment. To recapitulate, I can say that
sports
 and musical activities
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 to keep
younsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 relaxed, maintain sharp remembering capacity and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 body.
Therefore
, it is inevitable to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in
such
 courses to make youngsters enjoy their
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
life
,
in addition
 to working on their goals.
Furthermore
,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 proper training and practice, anyone can
also
 look
sports
Change preposition
at sports
show examples
 and
music
 as a career opportunity.
Submitted by sunitarani00784 on

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task achievement
Make sure to directly address the essay question in both your introduction and conclusion to strengthen task achievement. Clearly stating your position helps to make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Try to develop your main ideas further by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This will help to make your essay more convincing and improve task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, which will enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by clear examples or reasons, to improve the logical structure and clarity of your essay.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples, such as mentioning Indian cricketers Virat Kohli and MS Dhoni, which add value to your argument and engage the reader.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion on the importance of both academic and extracurricular activities in education, reflecting a well-considered perspective.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This logical structure helps to make your argument more coherent.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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