Some people believe that schools should only teach children subjects which are beneficial to their future career and therefore others subjects such as music and sports are not important To what extend do you agree or disagree

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Technology has revolutionized the world in an astonishing way.
Now-a-days
Correct the word
Nowadays

The compound Now-a-days appears to be incorrect. Consider changing it to the closed compound nowadays.

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, students in their schooling
consists
Correct subject-verb agreement
consist

It seems that the verb consists does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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of various subjects. Some of these subjects are
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary

If you don’t want neccessary to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to make a bright future
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

some activities are involved to make children healthy and more concentrated.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there is a thinking among population that the subjects
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as science and maths should
be teach
Change the verb form
be taught

It appears that the form of the verb teach does not work with be in this sentence.

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to the students as these are necessary to develop
career
Correct article usage
a career

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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and other activities like
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have no value in their
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, so these should be eliminated from
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum

The noun phrase curriculum seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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. I mostly disagree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

prospective
Correct your spelling
perspective

The word prospective doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, as these additional tasks are
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

an important part of
children
Change noun form
children's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. To commence with, it is essential for
student
Add an article
a student
the student

The noun phrase student seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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to focus on the fundamental subject as these will enhance their chances to be successful in their
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction Although. Consider removing the comma.

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not only science and maths always
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help

It seems that the verb helps does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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to make an individual succeed,
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

have good scope.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Indian
cricketer
Fix the agreement mistake
cricketers

It seems that cricketer may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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Virat Kohli and MS Dhoni have a developed career only by
practicing
Change the spelling
practising

The spelling of practicing is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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in
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

sports
Add an article
a sports

The noun phrase sports game seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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game
Fix the agreement mistake
games

It seems that game may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
additional
Add an article
an additional

The noun phrase additional task seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks

It seems that task may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are

It seems that the verb is does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary

If you don’t want neccessary to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

in school
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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acts
Correct subject-verb agreement
act

It seems that the verb acts does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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like a stress-buster in between the regular periods of other courses. A leisure break from cramming is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

important to make a child more concentrated on school work. On
other
Correct article usage
the other

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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hand, sometimes juveniles
starts
Change the verb form
start

The verb starts does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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spending more time in other games which are neither helpful to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb maintain. Consider changing it.

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good health nor
it builds
Wrong verb form
building

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb it builds. Consider changing it.

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a bright future. As it is very essential for everyone to be independent and financially strong with a modern lifestyle, it is required to work on your aim
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

. If any additional habit
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as playing video games is disturbing a student by compromising with his/her good marks,
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

it is unimportant to go for
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

entertainment. To recapitulate, I can say that
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and musical activities
helps
Change the verb form
help

The singular verb helps does not appear to agree with the plural subject sports and musical activities. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to keep
younsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters

If you don’t want younsters to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

relaxed, maintain sharp remembering capacity and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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body.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is inevitable to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb involve. Consider changing it.

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in
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

courses to make youngsters enjoy their
teenager
Replace the word
teenage

The word teenager doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
in addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to working on their goals.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
by
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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proper training and practice, anyone can
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

look
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

sports
Change preposition
at sports

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
and
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as a career opportunity.

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task achievement
Make sure to directly address the essay question in both your introduction and conclusion to strengthen task achievement. Clearly stating your position helps to make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Try to develop your main ideas further by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This will help to make your essay more convincing and improve task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, which will enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by clear examples or reasons, to improve the logical structure and clarity of your essay.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples, such as mentioning Indian cricketers Virat Kohli and MS Dhoni, which add value to your argument and engage the reader.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion on the importance of both academic and extracurricular activities in education, reflecting a well-considered perspective.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This logical structure helps to make your argument more coherent.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficial
  • career-oriented
  • subjects
  • creativity
  • teamwork
  • emotional well-being
  • cognitive abilities
  • discipline
  • practical skills
  • overall development
  • expose
  • informed choices
  • passionate career
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