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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycle in 2011

The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycle in 2011
#percentage #population #age #groups #town #bicycle
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The following table displays the proportion of individuals by age community in one city who rode bicycles in. 011.
Overall
Linking Words
, the. able exhibits fluctuations in the. aya that
compare
Change the verb form
compares
show examples
 two groups of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
. At first
glacne
Correct your spelling
glance
, it was
showed
Change the form of the verb
shown
show examples
 that
women
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 decreased proportion got older.
However
Linking Words
,
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 proportions are higher than
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 in general.
Female
Fix the agreement mistake
Females
show examples
 had the highest
percentages
Use synonyms
 until the
group
Use synonyms
 of 9
years
Use synonyms
. After
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ten and seventeen
years
Use synonyms
,
percentages
Use synonyms
 dip notably. The 18-19
years
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 was
second
Add an article
the second
show examples
 lowest percentage of 17 . 40- 59 groups was
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
Use synonyms
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of 12.3.
However
Linking Words
, the. ge of more increased slightly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, In
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 groups, until
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 of 9
Use synonyms
group
Correct article usage
the group
show examples
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 percentage. And in the second decade of their life,
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this percentage
these percentages
show examples
percentages
Use synonyms
 was almost halved. Until
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 of 18 to 59, it was less than 10
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.
likewise
Linking Words
, over 60
years
Use synonyms
, they
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
over
Change preposition
by over
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
10
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by rjsdn2233 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words group, percentages, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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