IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
The legislation of several nations
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
 that economic
growth
 is essential than any other goal; Alternatively, other
part
Change the wording
parts
show examples
 of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 world contend that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 alternative
growth
 is as required as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 progress.
This
 essay will discuss both the viewpoints and argue in favour of
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
 one.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
growth
 is important for a nation
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 higher living standards of its residents and employment perspectives.
In other words
, financial
growth
 leads to increased GDP;
As a result
, wedges will surge.
Consequently
, living standards will be improved.
For example
, the United States are economically developed
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
, and well-known for
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 living standards.
Secondly
,
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 economy will help in generating
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 can invest money in better infrastructural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
On the other hand
, oppositions and I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 social, health and educational progress is as essential as economical. Education plays
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 role in daily life,
additionally
Add a comma
additionally,
show examples
 environment requires significant attention
due to
 climate change. Advancement in
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 sector improves
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of living. Healthy natives rule
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy nation.
Furthermore
,
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
 sector is important for
mental
Add an article
the mental
show examples
 well-being of an individual living in that area.
To conclude
, I personally believe that,
although
 economic progress is essential for
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 standard
living
Change preposition
of living
show examples
 and employment factors, alternative
growth
such
 as education, health and social are
also
 Important.
Submitted by patel2dhruvil202 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language Use
Make sure to use a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency.
Content Development
Introduce more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Language Accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy to enhance the clarity of your message.
Conclusion Development
Consider developing your conclusion further by summarizing your main points more distinctly and stating your opinion more clearly.
Content Balance
Effectively discussed both viewpoints on economic and other forms of progress.
Structure
Good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Relevance
Relevant main ideas that align well with the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: