Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health amd that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
It is well known that it needs to get good quality both physical side and
psychology
side for the Replace the word
psychological
health
of people
. Some people
believe that increasing the number of sports
facilities
can solve that problem. I do not agree with that because the health
of people
is not the only sport
. It needs sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
other
things. I going to explain some reasons in that essay.
On the one hand, Correct word choice
and other
human
body needs exercise to keep healthy. Some Add an article
the human
people
choose to go to sports
facilities
such
as tennis courts, swimming pools or fitness centers
. They can do good Change the spelling
centres
sport
there and feel better because there is different
atmosphere in Add an article
a different
facilities
according to
other places and some people
choose that's why. For example
, one of my friends can do sports-only
fitness Correct article usage
a sports-only
center
. He can get bored so quickly when he does Change the spelling
centre
sport
outside of the fitness Fix the agreement mistake
sports
center
. of course, it should not need to go to the Change the spelling
centre
facilities
people
can go park, see or forest for sports
. that shows that if people
want to do sport
the facilities
are not important too much because we can do sport
everywhere.
On the other hand
, physical activity is not enough for our healthy
because humans can be thinking and it makes us separated from animals, of Replace the word
health
course
it gives us some Add the comma(s)
course,
psycologic
problems. Correct your spelling
psychological
psychologic
According to
some research; our pshcology
is too much effect on our Correct your spelling
psychology
health
and it is accepted by all citizens now. For instance
, my cousin is a sports
person, he does swimming professionally. however
, he has some health
problems and he can not get good
breath and a lot of doctors have seen him but they couldn't find any solution. Add an article
a good
Finally
, he went psychology
doctor and got some antimeridian medicines and he got to fix his problem.
To sum up
, according to
the examples and research above the health
of the public need
two things. Fix the agreement mistake
needs
First,
sport
second,
good psychology
. While
this
is the case we can not say sports
facilities
are enough for healthy of
Change preposition
apply
people
. In my opinion, doctors should give the advice to do sport
and get good psychology
both in that time will be a good healthy life.Submitted by ares.grup on
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Introduction and Conclusion Structure
Consider providing a more structured approach by clearly introducing the topic and your thesis in the introduction, and summarizing your main points in the conclusion. This will enhance the logical flow and clarity of your essay.
Balanced Argument
To improve task achievement, ensure your essay discusses both perspectives thoroughly before giving your own opinion. This allows for a more balanced argument and comprehensive analysis.
Use of Examples
Use examples to support your arguments, as you've done in your essay. Continue this practice to strengthen your points.
Cohesion and Transitions
Work on the cohesion of your essay by connecting ideas more smoothly and using transition words between paragraphs and sentences.
Use of Examples
Your essay provided relevant examples to support your points, which helps strengthen your argument.
Comprehensive Approach
You've successfully discussed aspects of the topic related to health beyond just physical exercise, acknowledging psychological factors, which shows an attempt to approach the topic from a comprehensive angle.
