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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health amd that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #amd #measures
It is well known that it needs to get good quality both physical side and
psychology
Replace the word
psychological
show examples
 side for the
health
 of
people
. Some
people
 believe that increasing the number of
sports
facilities
 can solve that problem. I do not agree with that because the
health
 of
people
 is not the only
sport
. It needs
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
other
Correct word choice
and other
show examples
 things. I going to explain some reasons in that essay. On the one hand,
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 body needs exercise to keep healthy. Some
people
 choose to go to
sports
facilities
such
 as tennis courts, swimming pools or fitness
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. They can do good
sport
 there and feel better because there is
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 atmosphere in
facilities
according to
 other places and some
people
 choose that's why.
For example
, one of my friends can do
sports-only
Correct article usage
a sports-only
show examples
 fitness
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
. He can get bored so quickly when he does
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 outside of the fitness
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
. of course, it should not need to go to the
facilities
people
 can go park, see or forest for
sports
. that shows that if
people
 want to do
sport
 the
facilities
 are not important too much because we can do
sport
 everywhere.
On the other hand
, physical activity is not enough for our
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 because humans can be thinking and it makes us separated from animals, of
course
Add the comma(s)
course,
show examples
 it gives us some
psycologic
Correct your spelling
psychological
psychologic
 problems.
According to
 some research; our
pshcology
Correct your spelling
psychology
 is too much effect on our
health
 and it is accepted by all citizens now.
For instance
, my cousin is a
sports
 person, he does swimming professionally.
however
, he has some
health
 problems and he can not get
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 breath and a lot of doctors have seen him but they couldn't find any solution.
Finally
, he went
psychology
 doctor and got some antimeridian medicines and he got to fix his problem.
To sum up
,
according to
 the examples and research above the
health
 of the public
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 two things.
First,
sport
second,
good
psychology
.
While
this
 is the case we can not say
sports
facilities
 are enough for healthy
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
. In my opinion, doctors should give the advice to do
sport
 and get good
psychology
 both in that time will be a good healthy life.
Submitted by ares.grup on

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Introduction and Conclusion Structure
Consider providing a more structured approach by clearly introducing the topic and your thesis in the introduction, and summarizing your main points in the conclusion. This will enhance the logical flow and clarity of your essay.
Balanced Argument
To improve task achievement, ensure your essay discusses both perspectives thoroughly before giving your own opinion. This allows for a more balanced argument and comprehensive analysis.
Use of Examples
Use examples to support your arguments, as you've done in your essay. Continue this practice to strengthen your points.
Cohesion and Transitions
Work on the cohesion of your essay by connecting ideas more smoothly and using transition words between paragraphs and sentences.
Use of Examples
Your essay provided relevant examples to support your points, which helps strengthen your argument.
Comprehensive Approach
You've successfully discussed aspects of the topic related to health beyond just physical exercise, acknowledging psychological factors, which shows an attempt to approach the topic from a comprehensive angle.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • *Accessibility*: The quality of being easy to obtain or use. *Holistic*: Related to the whole system rather than just focusing on its parts. *Preventive healthcare*: Medical care aimed at preventing diseases rather than treating them. *Engage*: To participate or become involved in. *Cater*: To provide what is needed or required. *Socio-Economic Barriers*: Factors related to economic and social position that prevent access to resources. *Immediate Benefits*: Advantages that can be realized quickly. *Public Health Campaigns*: Organized efforts to inform and educate the public about health issues. *Dietary Improvements*: Changes made to improve the quality of diet. *Long-term Improvement*: Benefits that are realized over a longer period of time.
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