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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health amd that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #amd #measures
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It is well known that it needs to get good quality both physical side and
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psychology
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psychological
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 side for the
health
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 of
people
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. Some
people
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 believe that increasing the number of
sports
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facilities
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 can solve that problem. I do not agree with that because the
health
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 of
people
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 is not the only
sport
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. It needs
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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other
Correct word choice
and other
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 things. I going to explain some reasons in that essay. On the one hand,
human
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the human
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 body needs exercise to keep healthy. Some
people
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 choose to go to
sports
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facilities
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such
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 as tennis courts, swimming pools or fitness
centers
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centres
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. They can do good
sport
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 there and feel better because there is
different
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a different
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 atmosphere in
facilities
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according to
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 other places and some
people
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 choose that's why.
For example
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, one of my friends can do
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sports-only
Correct article usage
a sports-only
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 fitness
center
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centre
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. He can get bored so quickly when he does
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 outside of the fitness
center
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centre
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. of course, it should not need to go to the
facilities
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people
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 can go park, see or forest for
sports
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. that shows that if
people
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 want to do
sport
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 the
facilities
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 are not important too much because we can do
sport
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 everywhere.
On the other hand
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, physical activity is not enough for our
healthy
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health
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 because humans can be thinking and it makes us separated from animals, of
course
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course,
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 it gives us some
psycologic
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psychological
psychologic
 problems.
According to
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 some research; our
pshcology
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psychology
 is too much effect on our
health
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 and it is accepted by all citizens now.
For instance
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, my cousin is a
sports
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 person, he does swimming professionally.
however
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, he has some
health
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 problems and he can not get
good
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a good
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 breath and a lot of doctors have seen him but they couldn't find any solution.
Finally
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, he went
psychology
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 doctor and got some antimeridian medicines and he got to fix his problem.
To sum up
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,
according to
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 the examples and research above the
health
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 of the public
need
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needs
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 two things.
First,
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sport
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second,
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good
psychology
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.
While
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this
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 is the case we can not say
sports
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facilities
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 are enough for healthy
of
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apply
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people
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. In my opinion, doctors should give the advice to do
sport
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 and get good
psychology
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 both in that time will be a good healthy life.
Submitted by ares.grup on

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Introduction and Conclusion Structure
Consider providing a more structured approach by clearly introducing the topic and your thesis in the introduction, and summarizing your main points in the conclusion. This will enhance the logical flow and clarity of your essay.
Balanced Argument
To improve task achievement, ensure your essay discusses both perspectives thoroughly before giving your own opinion. This allows for a more balanced argument and comprehensive analysis.
Use of Examples
Use examples to support your arguments, as you've done in your essay. Continue this practice to strengthen your points.
Cohesion and Transitions
Work on the cohesion of your essay by connecting ideas more smoothly and using transition words between paragraphs and sentences.
Use of Examples
Your essay provided relevant examples to support your points, which helps strengthen your argument.
Comprehensive Approach
You've successfully discussed aspects of the topic related to health beyond just physical exercise, acknowledging psychological factors, which shows an attempt to approach the topic from a comprehensive angle.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • *Accessibility*: The quality of being easy to obtain or use. *Holistic*: Related to the whole system rather than just focusing on its parts. *Preventive healthcare*: Medical care aimed at preventing diseases rather than treating them. *Engage*: To participate or become involved in. *Cater*: To provide what is needed or required. *Socio-Economic Barriers*: Factors related to economic and social position that prevent access to resources. *Immediate Benefits*: Advantages that can be realized quickly. *Public Health Campaigns*: Organized efforts to inform and educate the public about health issues. *Dietary Improvements*: Changes made to improve the quality of diet. *Long-term Improvement*: Benefits that are realized over a longer period of time.
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