IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say educational school is the only critical factor to the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is often argued that the prosperity of a
country
Use synonyms
 is merely depending on the
education
Use synonyms
 level of its schools. I am inclined to believe the idea that the only way to achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant development of a
country
Use synonyms
 is the highly-developed
education
Use synonyms
 centres.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the quality of
education
Use synonyms
 paves the way for the growth of well-educated and professional expertise, which is vital in both technological and industrial aspects. If a
country
Use synonyms
 invests money in training specialists starting from
the
Correct article usage
an
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 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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,
this
Linking Words
 investment will return them in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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future years as human resources.
For instance
Linking Words
, the well-educated individuals of each
country
Use synonyms
 will help to develop new technological devices, medications and treatments for serious illnesses and more fertile methods of production, all of these will contribute to the economy substantially in the long term.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the consecutive ramifications of leading the study of children are sufficient to
effort
Verb problem
exert
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due to
Linking Words
 the long-term benefits.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 does not cost as much as the other ways of the advancements.
Although
Linking Words
 providing expensive equipment, cutting-edge technology and staff from foreign countries
requires
Change the verb form
require
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 a vast amount of capital in order to accelerate the development of a
country
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 damages and deteriorates the economy immensely rather than
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
. To cite an example, native graduates will work for the success of their own
country
Use synonyms
 without extra money except the income, unlike the one that comes from overseas. In terms of equipment, if it is developed by a local team in the
country
Use synonyms
, it will not only
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 a
country
Use synonyms
 with newly-developed devices but
also
Linking Words
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 a chance to a
country
Use synonyms
 to export
this
Linking Words
 as a product. In conclusion, I am entirely supposed to support the power of
education
Use synonyms
 in the development of a
country
Use synonyms
, thanks to the economic and industrial factors.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to vary your sentence structures to keep the writing interesting and dynamic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider including a wider range of vocabulary, particularly synonyms to avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
It might enhance your argument to discuss the counter viewpoint and explain why you disagree, as this would show a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Be clear in expressing the linkage between education and country development, ensuring every point directly supports your main argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
You effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids reader comprehension.
Task Achievement
Your examples are relevant and support your main points well, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • critical factor
  • development of a country
  • equipping individuals
  • necessary skills and knowledge
  • contribute productively
  • workforce
  • critical thinking
  • innovation
  • technological advancements
  • economic growth
  • socialization
  • instilling values and norms
  • responsible citizenship
  • societal cohesion
  • reduce inequality
  • opportunities for social mobility
  • equitable society
  • political stability
  • healthcare systems
  • infrastructure
  • economic policies
  • governance
  • investment
  • sectors
  • national development
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