IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Should private schools receive government funding? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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A segment of people
contend
Change the verb form
contends
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 that non-public learning institutions should
offered
Change the verb form
offer
be offered
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 government aid.
Conversely
Linking Words
, other
segment
Change the wording
segments
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 believe that corporate
schools
Use synonyms
 have enough
funds
Use synonyms
 to support themselves. My perspective inclines with the notion that these
schools
Use synonyms
 are self-sufficient
which
Correct word choice
and
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 do not require any financial support from authorities. To commence, though it is impossible to verify empirically, most would agree on
anecdotal
Add an article
an anecdotal
the anecdotal
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 level that conventional
schools
Use synonyms
 raise significant
funds
Use synonyms
 by charging big cheques to parents in various forms.
In other words
Linking Words
, teenagers who get enrolled in private
schools
Use synonyms
 undoubtedly
comes
Change the verb form
come
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 from well-to-do families and
invests
Correct subject-verb agreement
invest
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 a significant amount in enrolling their kids into these
schools
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
 cover all the extra-curricular fees requested by education
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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. Which includes infrastructure, sports activities, music, and arts facilities and many more. All these additional aids get assigned to
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 and
proved
Wrong verb form
prove
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 to be enough to run these
schools
Use synonyms
 in a
well
Change the adverb
good
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 manner.
Secondly
Linking Words
, advocates of not offering any government
funds
Use synonyms
 to private
schools
Use synonyms
embarks
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embark
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 on the fact that
schools
Use synonyms
provisioned
Add a missing verb
are provisioned
show examples
 with enough
funds
Use synonyms
 by various stakeholders and other parties. On many occasions, they raise
funds
Use synonyms
 in the form of charities and at many times receive donations from angel investors.
Hence
Linking Words
. all summed
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 reflects enough capital on their end. One of the eminent
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 is , as per a local survey in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, private
schools
Use synonyms
 raised 35%
Use synonyms
funds
Change preposition
of funds
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 from charities in
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 year 2009. So, private
schools
Use synonyms
 have pragmatic ways to assist themselves financially. In conclusion, officials should not come forward to provide financial help to private
schools
Use synonyms
. One of the major reasons is that they collect a large tuition fee exclusive of other fees to students, the whole collection is relatively a significant amount.
Also
Linking Words
, partners play a huge role in funding which reflects that these bodies really not
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 any
money related
Add a hyphen
money-related
show examples
 support from state officials.

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lexical resource
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and to avoid repetition.
grammar
Pay attention to sentence structure to ensure a variety of complex and compound sentences are used effectively.
task response
Try to include even more specific examples or data to support your arguments, enhancing the relevancy and impact of your essay.
accuracy
Be mindful of minor spelling or grammatical errors, as polishing these can further improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
You clearly presented your standpoint and structured your essay with a logical flow, making your arguments easy to follow.
task response
You engaged directly with the task, giving clear reasons supported by examples, which illustrates good task achievement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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