IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More money should be spent on hiring and training the police force in order to reduce crime in big cities. What is your opinion?

#money #police #force #crime #cities
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Many people are of the opinion that more funds should be invested in educating the police force so that there is
reduction
Add an article
a reduction
the reduction
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 in the criminal activities in large metros.I fully agree that more money is essential for improving the police force to bring down crime rates An obvious issue is number of crimes committed in
cities
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 constantly increasing
due to
Linking Words
 various factors.
Firstly
Linking Words
 there is a growing issue of unemployment in the streets of the
cities
Use synonyms
 which leads to desperation.People try all sorts of methods to make money
for example
Linking Words
 scamming,selling drugs etc.
This
Linking Words
 sort of behaviour leads to various addictions which in the long run can damage the individual making him become a burden on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.People using
such
Linking Words
 substances gradually become involved in criminal gangs to make money Another problem is the growing number of
illlegal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 immigrants who seem to have had a criminal record in their home country and in order to avoid being caught in their home country illegally migrate to large
cities
Use synonyms
elsewhere
Linking Words
 In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I would like to reiterate that Many
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
times police force especially in large
cities
Use synonyms
 are quite ineffective in their current form and require substantial training
for improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
 them
Submitted by Kuruppthu55 on

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Task Achievement
While your essay strongly states your opinion and discusses relevant issues, incorporating more varied and specific examples to support your points could enhance your argument's persuasiveness.
Coherence & Cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking phrases and transitional words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Developing your conclusion with a more detailed summary of your argument or suggestions for future action could provide a stronger, more impactful ending.
Task Achievement
You have a clear thesis statement and a well-defined opinion, which is consistently maintained throughout the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You adeptly identified and addressed relevant issues contributing to the problem, enhancing the relevance of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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