IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
it is debatable
that
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whether
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 the improvement of people's lives is
paramount
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the paramount
a paramount
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 goal of
science
 or not.
Therefore
, in
this
 essay, I will elaborate
this
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on this
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 point of view
whether
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on whether
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 the extent is correct.
Firstly
, individuals inevitably face numerous problems
during
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in
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life
 and solutions are required to manage the situation. The usage of
science
 is the most convenient way to solve
the
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apply
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problems;
moreover
, by carrying out
scientific
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the scientific
a scientific
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experiment
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experiments
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,
scientist
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scientists
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 reach
to
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apply
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valuable
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a valuable
the valuable
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result
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results
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 which
lead
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leads
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 to accessing some data capable of improving day-to-day
life
.
For instance
, air pollution has become a massive matter for humans
which
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and
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Scientifics
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scientists
 have been engaged for some
times
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time
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 to solve
this
 problem.
As a result
, the ones find various ways
such
 as using
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the engine
an engine
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engine
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engines
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 to work
by
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with
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electric
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electricity
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 rather than fossil fuels. All of these measures lead to achieve massive
result
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results
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 which
enhancing
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enhance
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 the quality of
life
. Since the
tranquility
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tranquillity
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 of humans is
paramount
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of paramount
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 importance, it is understandable that the ultimate goal of
science
 would have to be related to their lives;
however
, other factors are
also
 of high importance; most notably wildlife and its species. One particular problem that catches the attention is the extinction of different animal groups leading to the decrease of biodiversity.
This
 matter should not be dismissed as nature is a vast source of data for reaching higher levels of knowledge and
science
 should be used to handle
this
 problem. In conclusion, as important as the improvement of daily
life
 is, certain matters
such
 as the safety of other living beings should not be overlooked, for they have a noticeable effect on the quality of
life
.
Submitted by mrhoshangi87 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and demonstrate linguistic variety.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to smoothly connect ideas and paragraphs, thus improving the cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, try to provide more detailed and specific examples to further strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with minor grammatical errors and typos that can distract from your overall message. Proofreading can help to reduce these.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively framed your argument.
task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the prompt, presenting a balanced view on the importance of science in improving people's lives while also considering the importance of wildlife conservation.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your arguments is commendable, making your essay easy to follow and understand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
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