IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Write about how cell phones are useful. Include benefits and problems with cell phones and when cell phones are most necessary.

Nowadays
smartphones
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 play a prominent role in
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
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 of different members of society.
This
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 issue has brought us numerous benefits but it has some drawbacks as well which I'm going to explain more about in the rest of
this
Linking Words
 essay. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand,
samrtphones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
 have made our lives much more convenient compared to even 3 decades ago.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they have enhanced the quality and quantity of communication between individuals.
For example
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, I live in Iran and I can make a video call with my uncle in the
U.S
Correct your spelling
U.S.
 anytime I want.
Secondly
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, these devices help
people
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 to do their jobs and daily activities much easier.
In other words
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, you can shop, without going out of your home, do your job without going to your office and so on.
Thirdly
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,
smartphones
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 have helped science and learning a lot, too. There are thousands of apps that stimulate different experiments for students and dozens of teachers that help students with their lectures all virtually.
On the other hand
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, these devices can have destructive impacts on our daily lives. Sometimes,
smartphones
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 can hinder
people
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 from concentrating on their studies or their jobs.
Hence
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, sometimes it is better not to have one.
For
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 when I'm studying, notifications from different apps distract me.
Therefore
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, I turn off my phone occasionally.
Additionally
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, social media has provided
people
Use synonyms
 with an environment which is free for them to talk about anything.
This
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 amount of freedom can be dangerous sometimes. Because
,
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apply
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 some ordinary
people
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 talk about specialized issues like
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 and politics and give wrong opinions that can give others a disparate image of reality.
To conclude
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, except for some minor downsides which can be tackled,
smartphones
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 have and will have helped us with our difficulties and can be like
freinds
Correct your spelling
friends
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 us if we use them appropriately.

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Spelling
Watch out for minor typos (e.g., 'samrtphones' should be 'smartphones') as they can slightly distract from the overall quality of your writing. Try to proofread your essay if time allows.
Example Relevance
Be consistent with your examples and ensure they directly support your main points for stronger coherence.
Sentence Variety
Consider varying your sentence structures more to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical skills. This can add sophistication to your written expression.
Balanced Argument
You provided a balanced view by discussing both benefits and drawbacks of smartphones, which excellently fulfills the task requirements.
Use of Examples
Your real-world examples (e.g., video calling family abroad, various apps for daily activities) effectively support your points and make your arguments more convincing.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, setting the stage for your argument and effectively summarizing your points at the end.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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