Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar , which causes many health problems.Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Some manufactured foods and drinks contain high levels of
sugar
, which can influence people
and lead to several health
problems.Some people
argue that the cost of sugary should be increased in order to lead people
to consume less sugar
routine.I completely disagree because that is
not the best solution to decrease the consumer
of Replace the word
consumption
sugar
.I will discuss in this
essay some answers to this
topic.
On the one hand , indeed at the moment some foods and drinks produce with
high levels of Change preposition
apply
sugar
for people
and have a lot of requirements of
Change preposition
for
this
.In that case , we must reveal and educate the consequences of health
problems instead
of increase
the cost.Wrong verb form
increasing
Accordingly
,they will realize their body's organs may stuck into
some expensive curing.Change preposition
in
For instance
, this
type of work can be carry
out by advertising on TV channels and putting up posters on the street walls.Change the verb form
be carried
Additionally
, doctors play a significant role in this
matter as they need to explain to people
by saying, 'It is harmful to consume excessive sugary food beyond normal limits.''
On the other hand
, from my perspective additional way prevent
Fix the infinitive
to prevent
people
from eating too many products which is including the
sugary elements ,Correct article usage
apply
Change preposition
During
while
the production process we
must label the " it is not for diabetes sugary Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
" words , with
Change preposition
apply
this
way , we may able to earn to reduce the health
issues of people
or consumers figure.In contrast
to this
, after producing this
types of food and drink all store's customers service need to advise alternative products Correct determiner usage
these
for
example, fresh water , unsweetened beverages and naturally useful fruits.
Add the comma(s)
, for
To conclude
, many people
believe putting expensive price
on sugary products will prevent consuming too much and help to reduce Fix the agreement mistake
prices
the
Correct article usage
apply
health
issues.However
, that is
not the best way because wealthy people
certainly can afford to buy it.Submitted by dilmurodmingishov on
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Language Use
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure your sentences are accurately constructed to express your ideas more clearly.
Cohesion
Work on developing your paragraphs with clear topic sentences followed by explanations, examples, and a concluding sentence to improve cohesion.
Position
Ensure a clear stance throughout your essay. Though you disagree with making sugary products more expensive, reinforcing your position with more depth and varied arguments would strengthen your essay.
Support
Include more specific examples or data to support your arguments. Real-life scenarios or hypothetical examples can make your points more convincing.
Opinion
You presented a clear opinion and maintained it throughout the essay, which is good for task response.
Structure
You managed to organize your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a positive aspect of your structure.
Creativity
Some of your suggestions for alternative methods to reduce sugar consumption show creative thinking. Mentioning TV advertising, wall posters, and labeling shows effort in problem-solving.