IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are increasingly taking place online nowadays. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#research #business #meetings #discussions #place #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to
 the rapid growth of technology, the world has come a long way . In the midst of change,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 become an integral part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society . We can't even imagine a day without the internet. Over the past few years platforms like business , shopping , education ,
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
 and many more have shifted
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion . There are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of pros
as well as
 some cons . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the rationale for both perspectives
as well as
 proffer examples to justify the notion .
Submitted by shyamal017 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction provides a good setup for discussing the topic, but it would be beneficial to directly address the essay question in the opening paragraph to clearly state your position on whether the advantages of meetings, discussions, and training taking place online outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that these ideas are logically connected to each other. This will significantly enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Using specific examples to support your points can greatly improve the strength of your argument. Consider integrating real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios that clearly demonstrate the advantages or disadvantages of online business activities.
task achievement
The essay sets a broad context by acknowledging the importance and omnipresence of the internet in today's society, which is a good starting point for discussing the shift to online platforms.
coherence cohesion
Your writing shows an understanding of the topic and a readiness to engage with the material. This is a good foundation to build upon with more specific content and structured arguments in your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Convenience
  • Geographical locations
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Venue hire
  • Flexibility
  • Scheduling conflicts
  • Carbon emissions
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Technical challenges
  • Proficiency
  • Human element
  • Non-verbal cues
  • Team cohesion
  • Cybersecurity threats
  • Confidentiality
What to do next:
Look at other essays: