IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

he costs of international travel are decreasing and tourism is growing. What are the advantages and disadvantages of increasing tourism activity in different countries?

#costs #travel #tourism #activity #countries
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It is noticeable, in the
last
 few years , that
tourism
 increased all over the world
due to
 many factors
such
 as
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
 costs of
internation
Correct your spelling
international
travelling
Replace the word
travel
show examples
. Growing
Tourism
 activity in many countries has a lot of positives and negatives. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss some of
cons
Correct article usage
the cons
show examples
 and pros of
tourism
 flourishing around us. On the one hand , enriching
tourism
 has a lot of advantages for any
country
.
Firstly
, It is a vital resource of national income of the
country
 as it
is provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 the economy with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreign currency. That will lead to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 the
country
 and
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
show examples
 the individual income so that life
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 be
essay
Correct your spelling
easy
show examples
 and
peacful
Correct your spelling
peaceful
 for the local citizens.
Secondly
, It provides a lot of job opportunities for many youths.
In other words
 , It will play an essential role in solving
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
 problem which most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries are suffering from.
For example
, Statistics show that increasing the number of
toursits
Correct your spelling
tourists
 in Turkey
decreases
Wrong verb form
will decrease
show examples
the rate of
unempoyment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 40% in 2022. For all these reasons, increasing
tourism
 is a goal for any
country
 to benefit from its pros.
On the other hand
,
Replace the word
boosting
show examples
Boost
Wrong verb form
boosting
show examples
Correct article usage
the precentage
show examples
Correct article usage
the precentage
show examples
Correct your spelling
percentage
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of tourists has some drawbacks.
On
Correct your spelling
An
show examples
 example of
this
 is that
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of tourists will move from their
country
 to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 in order to see the historical places of
other
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
country
.
This
 will lead to population and mix of
ifferent
Correct your spelling
different
 cultures in one
country
.
In other words
, increasing
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
tourstits
Correct your spelling
tourists
 may raise the prices of houses and facilities
such
 as transportation and prices of clothes and food. Recent
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 indicates that
Egypt
Change noun form
Egypt's
show examples
toursits
Correct your spelling
tourist
tourists
 places
such
 as Khan ALkaliali has
witenessed
Correct your spelling
witnessed
 a
dramatically
Change the adverb
dramatic
show examples
 increase in prices of food, houses, and clothes
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
rate
Add an article
the rate
a rate
show examples
 of 70%
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other places in the capital city, Cairo. To
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 up increasing
tourism
 activity has many advantages
as well as
 some cons. I recommend that each
country
 should look
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
 topic from different aspects of view so that they can deal with the pros and cons of
this
 phenomena
Submitted by monahhj123 on

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Structure
Make sure your essay has a clear structure, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, each point, and conclusion. It's good practice to separate different ideas into their own paragraphs for better clarity.
Cohesion
For better cohesion, try using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion of your essay clearly outline what you will discuss and summarize your main points effectively.
Examples
Try to use specific examples to support your arguments. It’s good to use statistics or studies, like the examples you included about Turkey and Egypt, as they lend credibility to your arguments.
Task Response
Your essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which is great for a balanced discussion.
Evidence
The use of specific examples, like Turkey and Egypt, effectively supports your points.
Logic
Your argument is logically structured and easy to follow, which helps the reader understand your viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • boost
  • vital
  • communities
  • cultural exchange
  • diverse backgrounds
  • over-tourism
  • strain
  • infrastructure
  • overcrowding
  • environmental degradation
  • diminished
  • residents
  • commercialization
  • exploited
  • natural landscapes
  • cultural sites
What to do next:
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