Everyone should stay at school until 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Schooling is a great way to educate and create civilized citizens.
However
, staying at school
until 18 is a personal decision. The influence of schooling until 18 could be benficial
or non-beneficial depending upon the vision of each individual. There are many great things Correct your spelling
beneficial
could
possibly happen by schooling until 18 yet the negative outcomes shouldn't be ignored.
On one hand, schooling helps to improve self-discipline, networking, Correct pronoun usage
that could
team work
and individual skills.
The Correct your spelling
teamwork
benefits
of learning these skills from Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
school
is that you are able to handle yourself within a large
group of diversity. The adolescence
is a transformative stage in life Correct article usage
Adolescence
which
the changes Change preposition
in which
needs
special attention as they can influence performance. The Correct subject-verb agreement
need
school
has highly trained councillors who can guide these youngsters
energy towards a good career to help them improve their communication, leadership and Change noun form
youngster's
youngsters'
co-operation
as group members Correct your spelling
cooperation
while
making mistakes in a safe zone. This
could give them an opportunity to experiment with their own lives to steer towards
the right direction.
Correct pronoun usage
them towards
On the other hand
, traditional competition is not for every individual. There are students with special qualities and great thinkers. Their novel ideas sometimes cannot be executed in school
because they need investment and guidance by
professionals who have real-world experience. They need Change preposition
from
this
special support to reach their life goals. The schools could only reach within their limit of potential. They can lead to traditional
lifestyle which could only be a short-term goal for these students.
Correct article usage
a traditional
Overall
, the idea of whether schooling until
is good or bad is a topic which needs serious discussion.
The teachers should focus on Correct word choice
apply
evolving
economy which should be a greater choice to build a stabilized society. The traditional ways should be updated with modern influence to make sure it is suitable for everyone or else the ones who need a new pathway should be guided towards their goal.Add an article
the evolving
an evolving
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Specific Examples
You presented a balanced view on the significance of staying in school until the age of 18, successfully outlining both the benefits and drawbacks. However, the essay could be further enhanced by incorporating more specific examples to support your arguments, especially in the section discussing the disadvantages of staying in school until 18. Adding real-world examples or case studies could provide more depth and clarity to your points.
Paragraph Structure
Consider refining the essay structure by more clearly delineating your paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea or argument. This will help in strengthening the overall coherence and cohesion of your work.
Conclusion
Work on developing a stronger conclusion that summarizes your arguments more decisively. A more assertive conclusion could help in leaving a lasting impression on the reader and clearly state your stance on the topic.
Balanced Argument
You adeptly outlined both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
Language Use
Your essay shows good use of language to express your ideas, which aids in the readability and engagement of your text.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.