IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People who live in a large cities face a range of problems in their daily life. What are the main problems people in cities face, and how can these problem be tackled?

#people #cities #face #range #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days,
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
Correct article usage
the existence
show examples
existence
Correct article usage
the existence
show examples
 of welfare services in huge
cities
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 leads to
shoot
Change the verb form
shooting
show examples
 up population and quantity of vehicles
as well as
Linking Words
 expenses which
Linking Words
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
bunch
Add an article
a bunch
show examples
 of
problems
Use synonyms
,
Correct pronoun usage
which means
show examples
means
Correct pronoun usage
which means
show examples
 that the
more
Correct word choice
bigger
show examples
Correct article usage
the living
show examples
living
Correct article usage
the living
show examples
 environment bigger the more
Verb problem
apply
show examples
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
issues. Individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live in
a enormous
Correct the article-noun agreement
enormous cities
an enormous city
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
 have
dealing
Change the verb form
to deal
show examples
 with a great deal of
problems
Use synonyms
 in their usual
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 and propose some solutions.
On
Correct your spelling
One
show examples
 of the main causes is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from road rage.
In other words
Linking Words
 , because of traffic congestion,
people
Use synonyms
 have to spend
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
 time on
daily
Correct pronoun usage
their daily
show examples
 commute to work. The issue could be tackled by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. Authorities should enact some rules for autos
such
Linking Words
 as
penalize
Wrong verb form
penalising
show examples
motorist
Fix the agreement mistake
motorists
show examples
 if they come out in rush hour traffic with their own cars, so as to
people
Use synonyms
 have to use public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
. Another problem is the extortionate cost of living. In fact,
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 subsist in large
cities
Use synonyms
, you must pay significantly.
For example
Linking Words
, in
London
Add a comma
London,
show examples
 you must charge your credit card about 20
pound
Change to a plural noun
pounds
show examples
in
Change preposition
per
show examples
 month
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is too much for some.
In other words
Linking Words
, income and expenditure do not match. The problem could be addressed by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 again,
Correct article usage
the responsibles
show examples
responsibles
Correct your spelling
responsible
 should cut down the expenses of everything even transport for
people
Use synonyms
 who don’t afford
Linking Words
such
Correct pronoun usage
it such
show examples
 as students and disabled persons
as well as
Linking Words
 elderly
people
Use synonyms
, and
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 should build up the salaries in order to set
balance
Add an article
the balance
a balance
show examples
 between the expenses. All in all, as can be seen from the points in
this
Linking Words
 essay,
although
Linking Words
 living in a big
Use synonyms
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as play facilities, you don’t have work
life
Correct your spelling
work-life
show examples
 balance and spare time. The more we go forward,
Use synonyms
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
show examples
 of living in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
large
cities
Use synonyms
 have increased. In my opinion, if you want to have a relief life is better to live in
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 city,
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 you must deal with
problems
Use synonyms
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mentioned.
Submitted by hoseinyasemi.ir on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is developed logically, with examples or explanations where appropriate.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on using a range of linking words effectively to improve the flow of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Be clear about your essay structure: introduction, main body paragraphs, and conclusion, making sure that your opinion is consistent and clear throughout.
Task Achievement
Try to include more detailed, real-world examples to support your points. This makes your arguments more convincing.
Grammar
Be attentive to grammatical errors and aim to vary your sentence structures to enhance readability.
Content
Identified key problems faced by people living in cities convincingly.
Content
Suggested practical solutions to the addressed problems, showing a good level of understanding.
Relevance
The essay tackles a relevant and contemporary issue, making it engaging and pertinent.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • metropolis
  • commute
  • public transportation
  • gridlock
  • air pollution
  • noise pollution
  • expensive housing
  • exorbitant prices
  • work-life balance
  • recreation areas
  • parks and gardens
  • criminal activities
  • security measures
  • density
  • neighborhood
  • public amenities
  • healthcare facilities
  • educational institutions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: