IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think doing sports to make physical strong is important, while others think mental strengths more important. Discuss both views and share your opinions.

#people #sports #strengths
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an old saying that health is wealth .It cannot be denied that mental well-being is as significant as physical health. To live a well-settled lifestyle it is crucial to stay fit physically
as well as
Linking Words
 mentally . In the midst of change, society has divided into two groups as per the distinct mindsets of different folks . A colossal number of people Accord that sports are important to become physically strong
while
Linking Words
on the contrary
Linking Words
 , some communities claim that mental health is more important . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion. In the succeeding monograph, the main agenda is not only to delve into the rationale for both sides
as well as
Linking Words
 proffer examples to justify my assertion
Submitted by shyamal017 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

example
To enhance the depth of your essay, incorporate more specific examples that clearly illustrate both viewpoints. This will also help strengthen your own stance on the subject.
conclusion
A more detailed conclusion that summarises both viewpoints and clearly states your own opinion would make your argument stronger. Ensure the conclusion reflects on the discussion in a concise manner.
coherence
Consider adding transitions and connectors to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will also help in making the organisation of your ideas more clear.
analysis
Expand on the discussion of both viewpoints with detailed arguments and analyses. This will not only show a comprehensive understanding of the topic but also make your response more complete.
introduction
You've started with a strong thesis that clearly outlines the essay's direction - keep leveraging such introductions to set a clear path for your discussion.
balance
You've recognised the importance of discussing both views, which is crucial for a balanced argument. Further expansion on these views will enhance the quality of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: