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Band 6

Some people should focus on everything, whereas other people think that they should focus on only those that they find interesting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #focus
In
this
 present world, the usage of
technology
 is constantly on the rise. Even classrooms are among the many places that enjoy the usage and benefits of
technology
. It is disagreed that
classroom
teachers
 will be totally substituted for
technology
. Analysing the incapability of disciplining
classroom
students
 with
technology
,
as well as
 the limitation in the learning process of
students
 taught with
technology
 will prove
this
.
Firstly
, a robotic teacher made with artificial intelligence would lack sufficient control over its
classroom
students
.
For instance
, it is widely known that kids need to be thoroughly watched by their
teachers
 to be sure that they take their classwork seriously and do not fool around when classes are going on. Sadly,
this
 is a task robotic
teachers
 will be incapable of carrying out.
Therefore
,
this
 makes it clear that
classroom
teachers
 will never be totally substituted for
technology
.
Secondly
, the learning process of
students
 would be disrupted if they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 taught by robotic
teachers
, which may slow down some
students
’ ability to comprehend information taught in lessons.
For example
, kids love to be motivated before lessons are taught effectively.
This
 is a quality that many human
teachers
 have but robotic
teachers
 do not have.
Thus
 it becomes apparent that human
teachers
 will never be replaced with robotic
teachers
 in a
classroom
. To summarise, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to
students
 and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons.
Therefore
,
it is clear that
 the idea of running a
classroom
 completely by a machine cannot be supported. After
thorough
Correct article usage
a thorough
show examples
 analysis
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over
technology
-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of
this
,
classroom
teachers
 will never be substituted for
technology
.
Submitted by absalomamat on

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task achievement
Be sure to directly address the essay question in your introduction to clearly set the context for your discussion. While your essay focuses on the role of technology in classrooms, it misses directly addressing the specific debate on focusing on broad vs. specialized interests.
coherence cohesion
Try to enrich your essay with a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion and create smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
While providing examples, ensure they are detailed and directly support the point being made. This strengthens the argument and helps in making your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively bookending your discussion. This strengthens the structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You've presented a well-structured argument that progresses logically through your points, making your essay easy to follow.
task achievement
The use of examples to support your points, despite needing more details, helps in illustrating your arguments and makes them more concrete.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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