IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

many people today find they have insufficient time to spend with their families,because of pressure of work.what problems does this creat for individuals and their families?what solutions can you propose?which would be the most effective solution,inyour view?

#people #time #families #pressure #work #creat #individuals #inyour
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, most
people
Use synonyms
 follow a sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
 from their organisations.
This
Linking Words
 creates a stressful atmosphere for them and their families. It is a concern that needs to be addressed,
reasons
Correct word choice
and reasons
show examples
 and solutions in
this
Linking Words
 situation are discussed in the ensuing paragraphs. First and foremost, there are some problems stemming from a lack of balance between
work
Use synonyms
 schedule and personal life.
People
Use synonyms
 have the tendency to bring their office stress to their home, which jeopardizes their family life.
This
Linking Words
 unbalanced
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 results in health issues like obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood
pressure
Use synonyms
.To exemplify, my brother who is a software engineer, does not have a fixed regime or programme to detoxify from his
work
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 strenuous
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 affected him mentally
as well as
Linking Words
 physically.
Secondly
Linking Words
, individuals get addicted to convenience food because they don't have enough time to prepare a healthy meal.
This
Linking Words
 addiction to fast food impacted their health negatively. To illustrate, there was a spike in the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from deadly diseases like cancer
due to
Linking Words
 unhealthy eating habits. There are many solutions to these problems,
such
Linking Words
 as
people
Use synonyms
 can motivate themselves and create a plan for an active
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, organisations like
MNC's
Change noun form
MNCs
show examples
 can raise awareness among their
employees
Use synonyms
 regarding the health impacts
due to
Linking Words
 poor diet.
For example
Linking Words
, many
MNC's
Change noun form
MNCs
show examples
 like Larsen and Toubro provide gym facilities and meal packages for their
employees
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 support system
effects
Replace the word
affects
show examples
 the
employees
Use synonyms
overall
Linking Words
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
 services can be provided by organisations to reduce the stress level of
employees
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, companies can fix
work
Use synonyms
 routines for their staff,
hence
Linking Words
, they can
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 enough time with their
close
Correct word choice
loved
show examples
 ones. In conclusion,
work
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
 creates
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of negative impacts in one's life.
However
Linking Words
, employers and
employees
Use synonyms
 can set rules, proper
work
Use synonyms
regime
Fix the agreement mistake
regimes
show examples
 and effective measures to tackle these problems.
Submitted by crpnivedya.prasannan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structural
Ensure a clear distinction between paragraphs and ideas to enhance readability. Start a new paragraph for each new main idea.
cohesive devices
Include a wider range of linking phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
conclusion depth
Consider adding a more detailed conclusion that not only summarizes the main points but also reflects on the implications or suggests a more finalized opinion.
examples
You effectively used real-world examples to support your points, making your arguments more persuasive.
relevance
Your essay demonstrates a strong command of the subject, addressing both problems and solutions with clear relevance to the topic.
structure
The organizational structure of your essay, with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion, supports clarity and understanding.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: