many people today find they have insufficient time to spend with their families,because of pressure of work.what problems does this creat for individuals and their families?what solutions can you propose?which would be the most effective solution,inyour view?

In
this
contemporary era, most
people
follow a sedentary
lifestyle
due to
work
pressure
from their organisations.
This
creates a stressful atmosphere for them and their families. It is a concern that needs to be addressed,
reasons
Correct word choice
and reasons
show examples
and solutions in
this
situation are discussed in the ensuing paragraphs. First and foremost, there are some problems stemming from a lack of balance between
work
schedule and personal life.
People
have the tendency to bring their office stress to their home, which jeopardizes their family life.
This
unbalanced
lifestyle
results in health issues like obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood
pressure
.To exemplify, my brother who is a software engineer, does not have a fixed regime or programme to detoxify from his
work
pressure
.
This
strenuous
lifestyle
affected him mentally
as well as
physically.
Secondly
, individuals get addicted to convenience food because they don't have enough time to prepare a healthy meal.
This
addiction to fast food impacted their health negatively. To illustrate, there was a spike in the proportion of
people
who suffer from deadly diseases like cancer
due to
unhealthy eating habits. There are many solutions to these problems,
such
as
people
can motivate themselves and create a plan for an active
lifestyle
.
Moreover
, organisations like
MNC's
Change noun form
MNCs
show examples
can raise awareness among their
employees
regarding the health impacts
due to
poor diet.
For example
, many
MNC's
Change noun form
MNCs
show examples
like Larsen and Toubro provide gym facilities and meal packages for their
employees
.
This
support system
effects
Replace the word
affects
show examples
the
employees
overall
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
.
Additionally
,
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
services can be provided by organisations to reduce the stress level of
employees
.
Finally
, companies can fix
work
routines for their staff,
hence
, they can
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
enough time with their
close
Correct word choice
loved
show examples
ones. In conclusion,
work
pressure
creates
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
of negative impacts in one's life.
However
, employers and
employees
can set rules, proper
work
regime
Fix the agreement mistake
regimes
show examples
and effective measures to tackle these problems.
Submitted by crpnivedya.prasannan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structural
Ensure a clear distinction between paragraphs and ideas to enhance readability. Start a new paragraph for each new main idea.
cohesive devices
Include a wider range of linking phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
conclusion depth
Consider adding a more detailed conclusion that not only summarizes the main points but also reflects on the implications or suggests a more finalized opinion.
examples
You effectively used real-world examples to support your points, making your arguments more persuasive.
relevance
Your essay demonstrates a strong command of the subject, addressing both problems and solutions with clear relevance to the topic.
structure
The organizational structure of your essay, with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion, supports clarity and understanding.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: