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Writing Samples
Band 5

People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasing early stage. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and effects of widespread drug use by young people. Make recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight drug abuse.

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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, people are addicted to drugs,
due to
Linking Words
 stress and pressure from their environment. It is an undeniable fact,
most
Correct word choice
that most
show examples
 of today's families have both
parents
Use synonyms
 as their breadwinners, which jeopardizes the entire family structure. For some people, addiction to bad habits is a part of stress relief.The possible causes and effects of illegal
dug
Correct your spelling
drug
show examples
 usage, are discussed in the ensuing paragraphs. First and foremost,most of the youth follow the path
pf
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
, foster
parents
Use synonyms
, and, other role models.Nowadays,
parents
Use synonyms
 and guardians follow a sedentary lifestyle
due to
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 their work pressure. Notably, socializing is an important tool used by young people as
coping
Correct article usage
a coping
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 mechanism against adversities in life.One of the common
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 found in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 generation is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of good interpersonal skills. They are unable to convey their emotions to the elders because their
parents
Use synonyms
 are busy with work life.
As a result
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, they get intimidated by substance abuse like drugs, alcohol and cigarettes to
escapce
Correct your spelling
escape
 from their stress. To illustrate, two weeks ago, there was a major illegal drug trade reported
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the CUSAT campus by the media. It was written in the newspaper that about 20% of students are addicted to drugs
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
campus.
This
Linking Words
 aforementioned example, clearly states how vulnerable the pupils are towards
such
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 substances.
Moreover
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, young adults experience a lot of peer pressure
while
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 growing up. They develop the patterns of behaviour displayed by their immediate social circle.
Hence
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, if they belong to
notorious
Correct article usage
a notorious
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 gang , they model or imitate their behavioural patterns
accordingly
Linking Words
. To exemplify, my son's school reported
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 cases of illegal drug sales within the school premises, which are sold by some of the seniors.
This
Linking Words
 example clearly states how peers can impact an individual. In conclusion,
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of youngsters and their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 are affected by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drug abuse. I strongly believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 and role models can set rules and effective measures to tackle these problems.

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Task Response
Make sure to provide a balanced discussion for both the causes and effects of drug use among the youth, as well as clear, actionable recommendations to address the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to enhance your essay's cohesion by more effectively linking ideas and paragraphs. Use a wider range of cohesive devices.
Support
While discussing the causes and effects, include a more varied range of examples and evidence to strengthen your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion should not only summarize the main points but also explicitly state your recommendations to address drug abuse.
Introduction
Your introduction sets a solid foundation for discussing the topic.
Examples
Your real-world examples help in illustrating the issue, which makes your argument more relatable.
Focus
You have maintained a clear focus on the topic throughout the essay, which shows good task adherence.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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