Some people belive that it is important to give gifts to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show that we care. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
According to
some people
are giving different kinds of gifts
to their friends or family members because they show
they
.Change the pronoun
them
However
other people
think that there are many better ways to show
we care
.I will discuss both sides in this
essay.
On the ine
hand ,in modern Correct your spelling
one
society
many Add a comma
society,
people
are giving some gifts
to their siblings or friends. Besides
that ,gifts
have many types .For example
, boutique of flowers ,box
of chocolate,bears and others.When Fix the agreement mistake
boxes
people
give gifts
to their dears,they will be happy and exult. In my opinion ,they must donate gifts
to people
at the party or birthday. Gifts
revolutionized people
Change noun form
people's
mood
. Fix the agreement mistake
moods
This
is efficient
way to Add an article
an efficient
show
that we care
. For instance
,last
year my parents gave gifts
Correct pronoun usage
me gifts
to
Change preposition
for
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
at
my birthday and I was happy Change preposition
apply
Change preposition
with that
that
presents.I remember that Correct determiner usage
the
memeorable
events and I do not Correct your spelling
memorable
loss
Replace the word
lose
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
gifts
.
On the other hand
,a fiction of people
are giving presents to their dears however
there are better ways to show
we care
. In my opinion , if they live with their family memebers
, Correct your spelling
members
this
way will impact to
their mood. If you play ,dance, watching with parents and others ,they will be happy .Change preposition
apply
Besides
that,they can meet with their friends. For example
, When I have free time ,I meet with my dears and siblings also
they will be happy.
In conclusion, a mount
of Correct your spelling
amount
people
are
donating many presents to siblings and family members to Change the verb form
is
show
that we care
about them.However
others think have better ways to Add a comma
However,
show
that we care
about them.Submitted by soglomovsarvar on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding on your examples by explaining how they relate to your main argument to add depth to your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic flexibility and accuracy.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on your essay organization. A clear introduction, body paragraph division, and conclusion help enhance readability and logical flow.
General Advice
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve clarity. This will also help in making your argument more persuasive and coherent.
Task Achievement
Consider directly addressing the essay prompt in your conclusion by explicitly stating your opinion to make it stand out more clearly.
Task Achievement
You effectively discussed both views as requested by the prompt, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.
Task Achievement
Your essay includes specific examples, which helps to support your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
You attempted to structure your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a good practice.