IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people belive that it is important to give gifts to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show that we care. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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According to
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 are giving different kinds of
gifts
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 to their friends or family members because they
show
Use synonyms
they
Change the pronoun
them
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
 other
people
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 think that there are many better ways to
show
Use synonyms
 we
care
Use synonyms
 .I will discuss both sides in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the
ine
Correct your spelling
one
 hand ,in modern
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 many
people
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 are giving some
gifts
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 to their siblings or friends.
Besides
Linking Words
 that ,
gifts
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 have many types .
For example
Linking Words
, boutique of flowers ,
box
Fix the agreement mistake
boxes
show examples
 of chocolate,bears and others.When
people
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 give
gifts
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 to their dears,they will be happy and exult. In my opinion ,they must donate
gifts
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 to
people
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 at the party or birthday.
Gifts
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 revolutionized
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
mood
Fix the agreement mistake
moods
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is
efficient
Add an article
an efficient
show examples
 way to
show
Use synonyms
 that we
care
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 .
For instance
Linking Words
,
last
Linking Words
 year my parents gave
Use synonyms
gifts
Correct pronoun usage
me gifts
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my birthday and I was happy
Change preposition
with that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 presents.I remember that
memeorable
Correct your spelling
memorable
 events and I do not
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
gifts
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,a fiction of
people
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 are giving presents to their dears
however
Linking Words
 there are better ways to
show
Use synonyms
 we
care
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. In my opinion , if they live with their family
memebers
Correct your spelling
members
,
this
Linking Words
 way will impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their mood. If you play ,dance, watching with parents and others ,they will be happy .
Besides
Linking Words
 that,they can meet with their friends.
For example
Linking Words
, When I have free time ,I meet with my dears and siblings
also
Linking Words
 they will be happy. In conclusion,
a mount
Correct your spelling
amount
show examples
 of
people
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 donating many presents to siblings and family members to
show
Use synonyms
 that we
care
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 about them.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 others think have better ways to
show
Use synonyms
 that we
care
Use synonyms
 about them.

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Task Achievement
Consider expanding on your examples by explaining how they relate to your main argument to add depth to your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic flexibility and accuracy.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on your essay organization. A clear introduction, body paragraph division, and conclusion help enhance readability and logical flow.
General Advice
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve clarity. This will also help in making your argument more persuasive and coherent.
Task Achievement
Consider directly addressing the essay prompt in your conclusion by explicitly stating your opinion to make it stand out more clearly.
Task Achievement
You effectively discussed both views as requested by the prompt, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.
Task Achievement
Your essay includes specific examples, which helps to support your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
You attempted to structure your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a good practice.
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