New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #trend

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In our contemporary era,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology

are

Change the verb form

show examples

extremelly

Correct your spelling

extremely

advanced, so

this

Verb problem

has

show examples

significantly changed the way

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

spair

Correct your spelling

spend

time

This

essay will discuss about advantages and disadvantages of

this

trend. In my

opinion

Add a comma

opinion,

show examples

there are more benefits than drawbacks to

this

development. The most advantageous factor of modern technologies is their ability to promote learning and skills development for

children

. The particular reason for

circumstance

Correct determiner usage

this circumstance

show examples

there are

Correct article usage

show examples

variety kinds of useful educational apps and games that can help

children

learn mathematics and language skills as well.

Additionally

video

games have the potential to teach

children

problem-solving skills, critical thinking, and hand-eye coordination which is essential for their work and study.

Moreover

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

can utilize some kind of apps

such

as social media, messaging apps, and

video

chat programs can enhance modes of communication allowing

children

to stay connected with friends and family who live far away from them.

In other words

, those individuals have the ability to send messages

as well as

have

video

calls through the internet.

For example

according to

the

guardin

Change the capitalization

Guardin

show examples

article from 2024 year playing

video

games

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

benefisial

Correct your spelling

beneficial

children

play not too much.

However

, a few parents believe that technologies could pose a risk to the physical and mental health of

children

who get too much screen

time

This

may be true, but by effective parental control, the amount of

time

that

children

spend on technology devices will be reduced. I should emphasize that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

spending too much

time

on devices can cause sleep disorders, which is the consequence of stopping melatonin in our bodies

due to

the blue light.

For instance

according to

the guardin article compared to

last

year 23 per cent of

children

are suffering from eye pain.

Submitted by ieltsielts81 on Sun Apr 14 2024

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Task Achievement

While your essay presents a clear viewpoint and covers advantages and disadvantages, ensure to have a balanced discussion for both sides to maintain a comprehensive debate.

Coherence & Cohesion

Pay attention to spelling and grammar to avoid small inaccuracies, such as 'the technology are extremelly advanced,' which should be 'technologies are extremely advanced' and 'their spair time' to 'their spare time.'

Coherence & Cohesion

To improve coherence, ensure that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth. Using connective phrases can help achieve a more fluid reading experience.

Task Achievement

Make sure examples are accurate and up-to-date. Citing an article 'from 2024' may confuse readers if the actual publication year differs or if the article cannot be easily verified.

Task Achievement

Your essay effectively uses examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your discussion.

Task Achievement

The conclusion summarizes your opinion well, reinforcing the stance you've taken throughout the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

You demonstrated a good range of vocabulary related to the topic, which helps to clearly convey your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

287 words

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New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centers provide the best care. Discuss both views.

Percentage of Population Aged 65 and Over in Three Countries (1900-2000) Year Australia Belgium Costa Rica 1990 5% 8% 3% 1950 7% 10% 4% 2000 15% 18% 12% Write at least 150 words.