In many cities, crime is increasing. Why do you think this is happening? what can government do to help reduce crime levels?

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It is true that
crime
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is increasing in many cities these days. In my opinion, there are three reasons why
crime
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is increasing
such
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as poverty and
unimployment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
, drug
addtion
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addiction
addition
, and new technology developments.
Firstly
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,
the
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apply
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poverty and unemployment encourage
people
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to commit
a
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
to make
living
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a living
show examples
.
This
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has been
main
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the main
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reason for a long time in society. It is a basic concern for
people
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how to live, so
this
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can make
people
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to
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apply
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commit a
crime
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for
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to
show examples
serviving
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survive
.
Secondly
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, drug addicts tend to engage in criminal activities. These days,
this
Linking Words
is a serious social issue increasing drug
criminals
Replace the word
crimes
show examples
. Especially
this
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makes
people
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to
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apply
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distribute drugs
in
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to
show examples
social
Replace the word
society
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so even
youth
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young
show examples
people
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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participate in
this
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kind of
crime
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.
Lastly
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, the advantage of new technology results in new types of
crime
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.
According to
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a
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apply
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research in Korea, new types of
crime
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such
Linking Words
as voice pishing and even
oneline
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online
pishing
has
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have
show examples
increased sharply and there are so many victims everywhere. To prevent crimes,
government
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the government
show examples
should use a strong punishment and sometimes
death
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the death
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panelty
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penalty
is essential.
This
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can reduce the possibility of criminal reoffending and eliminate the possibility
ofo
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of
future victims.
For instance
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,
Singapore
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in Singapore
show examples
, which has capital
punishiments
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punishment
punishments
, the
crime
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rate is relatively lower than any other
countries
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country
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. In conclusion,
government
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the government
show examples
should carry out
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apply
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the
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apply
show examples
capital punishment to prevent heinous crimes to protect citizens from offenders.
Submitted by hmhy0326 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure all main ideas are fully developed with explanations and examples. Some points, such as the impact of technology on crime, could be expanded.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a wider range of cohesive devices and transition phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
Review and adhere to different perspectives on controversial topics, like capital punishment, ensuring a balanced view is presented.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Task Achievement
Good job identifying key reasons for the increase in crime, making your essay relevant and informative.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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