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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

#technology #people #viewpoints
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In the modern era, technology
has
Verb problem
is
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 an essential part of
people
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's lives. Some
people
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 claim that the modern technology, that we have today, has brought
people
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 together.
However
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, other
people
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 argue that it has isolated us more.
This
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 essay will discuss both arguments and views. I personally disagree with
this
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 opinion, because relationships between
people
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 much more convenient than ever. On the one hand, long-distance relationships and friendships have become appropriate and enjoyable.
Additionally
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, communication systems,
such
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 as mobile phones, computers and video cameras have helped
people
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 not to lose each other and be in touch every time, when the interaction comes from different countries.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 with illnesses can easily contact their families and relatives.
This
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 means that it can be done without leaving their homes and even they can inform doctors without having an appointment,
On the other hand
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, advanced technologies have
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
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people
Change preposition
in people
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, who live close to each other.
Whereas
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, it is addictive and
people
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became
Wrong verb form
have become
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 lazier than ever.
As a result
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, Communication between friends and relatives eventually happens online. The main reason for
this
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 situation is that they prefer to be isolated in their comfort zone.
Finally
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, Face to face talks happen
rarely
Correct quantifier usage
more rarely
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, than it was in the past. In conclusion, the world had a revolution in our century because of science and
it's
Correct your spelling
its
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 ability. It affected a large number of
people
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, who live abroad and far away from their family and friends.
Nevertheless
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, it developed poor habits
to
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for
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people
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. From my point of view, it has more benefits than disadvantages, because these awful habits can be easily fixed.
Submitted by sosokhurtsidzee on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure a clear, distinct introduction of your viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for stronger impact and coherence.
Supporting Examples
Expand on your examples by providing more specific details and evidences to strengthen your arguments.
Balanced Discussion
Be mindful of the balance between advantages and disadvantages, providing equal elaboration to both sides to fully cover the discussions.
Grammar & Word Choice
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and word choices that slightly detract from the clarity of your arguments.
Examining Both Views
Explored both viewpoints before stating your own opinion, providing a structured approach to the essay.
Relevant Examples
Provided relevant examples and rationale to support your viewpoints on how technology impacts relationships.
Logical Flow
Maintained a coherent progression of ideas through linking words and paragraphs, enhancing the readability of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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