IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many countries around the world , rural people are moving to cities ,so the population in the country side is decreasing Do you think it is a positive or a negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #country #side #development
In
this
 contemporary world , it has been observed that rural individuals are migrating to urban cities which leads to
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
population
Change preposition
in population
show examples
 in the countryside . There are
myriad
Add an article
a myriad
show examples
 of benefits
as well as
 drawbacks of shifting to towns .Both the
proms
Correct your spelling
pros
show examples
 and cons are elaborated
in
Change preposition
on in
show examples
 the
ensuring
Correct your spelling
ensuing
show examples
 paragraph . On the one hand ,
first
Add an article
the first
a first
show examples
 and foremost advantage is
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
 quality of life
as well as
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 for employment and students .
For instance
 , most of the multinational companies are located
with in
Correct your spelling
within
show examples
 the town,which
able
Add a missing verb
is able
show examples
 to find better work and
also
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 institutions for
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
.
Furthermore
 , better
road
Fix the agreement mistake
roads
show examples
 and transportation like metro rails which
makes
Verb problem
allow
show examples
people
 to reach their
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
 quickly and safely .
On the other hand
 ,there are some disadvantages,
Change the article
a numerous
the numerous
show examples
numerous
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 number of
people
 moving to urban
makes
Verb problem
areas is
show examples
overcrowded
Correct pronoun usage
it overcrowded
show examples
 because of a lot of
people
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 area.
Addition
Change preposition
In addition
show examples
 to that , traffic and air pollution affect the air quality .
For example
, In India , a state called Delhi ,
due to
capital
Correct article usage
the capital
show examples
 all the
people
 started migrating to
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 which leads to poor air quality
Correct word choice
and causes
show examples
causes
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 breathing problems for infants to old age
people
 .
Moreover
 ,
Add an article
the country
show examples
country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
 will not develop
due to
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
relocating
Wrong verb form
relocate
show examples
 to the cities
also
 leads to inequality among
people
 .
To conclude
 ,there are both merits and demerits of the
people
 relocating to urban cities.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 with better facilities to
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 in rural.
Submitted by nikhilguni on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

General
Consider using varied sentence structures to enhance readability.
Grammar & Spelling
Be mindful of minor spelling or grammatical mistakes to ensure clarity in your writing.
Coherence
To improve coherence, use transitional phrases to smoothly link your ideas together.
Vocabulary
Ensure accuracy in vocabulary usage to more effectively convey your points.
Content
When presenting examples, ensure they are directly linked to the points being made for stronger argumentation.
Structure
Introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument.
Content
Provides clear examples, such as the situation in Delhi, to support the argument.
Balanced Discussion
Effectively addresses both pros and cons of rural to urban migration.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • overcrowding
  • standard of living
  • depopulation
  • agriculture
  • traditional industries
  • educational facilities
  • healthcare facilities
  • social issues
  • community ties
  • neglect
  • spill-over effects
  • remittances
  • investments
What to do next:
Look at other essays: