Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is significant for
children
to learn how to live
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
society
,
however
, the learning method is broad, which needs to be discussed. I personally argue that studying by themselves in
school
is the best way,
while
some say that
parents
should teach that.
Firstly
, thinking
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
to get in touch with
society
is one of the biggest advantages of learning it in
school
. There is no teacher who
teach
Correct subject-verb agreement
teaches
show examples
something
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
only one student like
parents
, which means that
students
have to discuss
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
their own way to create good relationships with their
firends
Correct your spelling
friends
or teachers.
This
is exactly the same situation when they become
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
members
Add an article
the members
show examples
of
society
.
Thus
, experiencing
this
in their childhood
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
allows them to prepare to face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society
.
On the other hand
,
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
of teaching how to smoothly
participat
Correct your spelling
participate
in
society
cannot be ignored. Young
children
,
such
as elementary
school
students
, frequently hesitate to communicate with others, which leads them to feel
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
in
school
and not to try to make friends. In order to solve
this
,
parents
initially
give them knowledge of being
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
society
,
then
children
confidentally
Correct your spelling
confidentially
confidently
put themselves into
society
. In my opinion, teaching by
parents
is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
preferable
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
learning in
school
since
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
in
school
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
highly
diversed
Correct your spelling
diverse
depending on their living
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
. If some
students
have awful
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
, other
students
would imitate them.
In contrast
, learning how to be a member of
society
completely
depends
Add the preposition
depends on
show examples
parents
without any external effect. In conclusion,
while
both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
learning how to get into
society
at home and in
school
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
merits respectively, I state that the pros of teaching at home outweigh
in
Correct pronoun usage
those in
show examples
school
.
Thus
,
children
should learn it
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
their
parents
.
Submitted by ryoga17.0325 on

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language use
Consider using a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your arguments more effectively. This will enhance the clarity of your ideas and the overall quality of your essay.
coherence
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph closely relate to that idea. Use linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Including relevant and specific examples to support your points strengthens your arguments. Try to insert examples that clearly demonstrate the points you're making, as this will improve task achievement.
task response
You presented a clear position throughout the essay, effectively discussing both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion. This is crucial for task response.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively outlining your arguments and summarizing your viewpoint. This is essential for a coherent and cohesive essay.
task achievement
You made an effort to discuss both views before giving your own opinion, which is important for addressing all parts of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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