In many countries, the gap between the rich and the poor is becoming more extreme, and large populations live in poverty while small percentages hold the vast majority of wealth. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon and suggest some possible solutions.
Nowadays, the top ten biggest companies in the
world
are almost occupied by only two countries which are United
States and Correct article usage
the United
United
Kingdom. Correct article usage
the United
This
indicates that quite a few people
have a chance
to become rich, while
there are numerous individuals in the world
who suffer from lack
of resources. I personally state there are two certain reasons why the issue is Correct article usage
a lack
happened
.
Wrong verb form
happening
Firstly
, when you try to earn money or construct your own company, it requires numerous budgets which is
too huge for poor Change the verb form
are
people
. Inverstor
is one of the richest Correct your spelling
Investor
occupation
, and their salaries are annually more than a half of million dollars on average. Change to a plural noun
occupations
However
, if you get such
a lot of return
, you need to invest Fix the agreement mistake
returns
much
money. Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
Thus
, people
who cannot prepare these have no chance
to become rich investors.
Furthermore
, although
it
is no doubt that connection is a main factor Correct pronoun usage
there
to obtain
assets, Change preposition
in obtaining
civillians
in Correct your spelling
civilians
a
poor Correct article usage
apply
country
hardly have Fix the agreement mistake
countries
this
. In the US which is one of the richest countries in the world
, CEO
is replaced by someone in Correct article usage
the CEO
Correct article usage
the CEO
CEO
Change noun form
CEO's
families
or relatives, which means there is no Fix the agreement mistake
family
chance
someone who is not close to them is selected to CEO
.
In order to Add a missing verb
be CEO
settele
these causes down, government or other types of institutions should consider Correct your spelling
settle
to give
them opportunities to become rich. It not only expands possibilities but Change the verb form
giving
also
contribute
to Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
create
a Change the verb form
creating
world
without any border
.
In conclusion, there are two particular factors why there are Fix the agreement mistake
borders
little
amount of the rich and Correct word choice
a small
large
number of the poor. To solve Correct article usage
a large
this
difficulty, I propose a way which is giving
a Change the verb form
to give
chance
to these people by
government.Change preposition
people's
Submitted by ryoga17.0325 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay presented a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good practice. However, to improve coherence, aim to create a more logical flow between ideas by using a variety of transitional phrases.
Task Achievement
You've addressed the topic with an introduction to the issue and followed with causes and proposed solutions. However, for higher task achievement, ensure your points are directly addressing the issues of wealth disparity rather than focusing too heavily on a narrow aspect of how wealth is concentrated in specific sectors or countries.
Task Achievement
Using specific examples to support your points is effective, but they need to be more directly relevant to the topic of wealth disparity. Consider examples that show the impact of this disparity on society and more diverse solutions that tackle the root causes.
General
Ensure your essay is free of spelling and grammatical errors to improve clarity and professionalism. Remember, clarity in writing enhances your argument's effectiveness.
Structure
Introduced and concluded the essay clearly, setting the stage for your arguments and wrapping up your points effectively.
Content Understanding
Attempted to provide reasons and solutions for the discussed issue, showing an understanding of the essay requirements.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.