IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

You recently received a letter from a friend asking for an advice about whether to go to school ir try to get a job. You think he/she skould get a job. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter • say why he/she would to enjoy going to college. •expalin why getting a kob is a good idea for him. •suggest type of job that would be suitable for him/her.

#friend #advice #school #ir #job #skould #college #•expalin #kob #idea #•suggest #type
Dear Lan, I am happy that you are doing well. In your
last
 letter, you asked me for advice about getting a
job
 when you are still in school. I was preparing for my graduation when your letter came, so I have some
experience
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it. You can find some
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
 jobs when you are in school, for it may help you get some
experience
 in writing a good CV. It is one of the most important skills which may help you in your
future
 career.
Moreover
, When finding a
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
job
, you will have more opportunities in interviewing with employers. It will help to build up your confidence in your
future
job
 after you graduate. As a student, you should apply for some jobs that relate to your
future
 career or your major.
For example
,
you
Correct word choice
if you
show examples
 are good at math in college and you wish to become a teacher in the
future
,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
you can apply to become a tutor. It not only earns more money but
also
 helps your
experience
 in teaching deeply. All your
experience
 in a
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
job
 will help you a lot in your
future
 career, so it is a good idea to find a
job
 when you are studying college. Hope my advice may help you make a good decision in your college
time
. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Love, Hana
Submitted by hana44happy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your letter is well-structured, each paragraph focusing on a singular idea, which makes it easy to follow. To further enhance coherence, make sure transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical, linking ideas seamlessly.
task achievement
You've done a good job in addressing the prompt and providing relevant advice. To aim for a higher score, expand on each point with more detailed examples or possible outcomes which demonstrate a deeper understanding of the question's implications.
greeting and closing
Your letter appropriately begins with a greeting and ends with a closing, which is excellent for maintaining a formal yet friendly tone.
single idea per paragraph
You've done well to ensure that each paragraph presents a single idea, such as explaining the benefits of part-time jobs, suggesting an appropriate job type, and emphasizing the job's relevance to future career goals. This adds clarity and focus to your advice.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: