You recently received a letter from a friend asking for an advice about whether to go to school ir try to get a job. You think he/she skould get a job. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter • say why he/she would to enjoy going to college. •expalin why getting a kob is a good idea for him. •suggest type of job that would be suitable for him/her.

#friend #advice #school #ir #job #skould #college #•expalin #kob #idea #•suggest #type

Dear Lan, I am happy that you are doing well. In your

last

letter, you asked me for advice about getting a

job

when you are still in school. I was preparing for my graduation when your letter came, so I have some

experience

about

Change preposition

show examples

it. You can find some

part

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

time

jobs when you are in school, for it may help you get some

experience

in writing a good CV. It is one of the most important skills which may help you in your

future

career.

Moreover

, When finding a

part

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

time

job

, you will have more opportunities in interviewing with employers. It will help to build up your confidence in your

future

job

after you graduate. As a student, you should apply for some jobs that relate to your

future

career or your major.

For example

you

Correct word choice

if you

show examples

are good at math in college and you wish to become a teacher in the

future

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

you can apply to become a tutor. It not only earns more money but

also

helps your

experience

in teaching deeply. All your

experience

in a

part

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

time

job

will help you a lot in your

future

career, so it is a good idea to find a

job

when you are studying college. Hope my advice may help you make a good decision in your college

time

. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Love, Hana

Submitted by hana44happy on Mon Apr 15 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your letter is well-structured, each paragraph focusing on a singular idea, which makes it easy to follow. To further enhance coherence, make sure transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical, linking ideas seamlessly.

task achievement

You've done a good job in addressing the prompt and providing relevant advice. To aim for a higher score, expand on each point with more detailed examples or possible outcomes which demonstrate a deeper understanding of the question's implications.

greeting and closing

Your letter appropriately begins with a greeting and ends with a closing, which is excellent for maintaining a formal yet friendly tone.

single idea per paragraph

You've done well to ensure that each paragraph presents a single idea, such as explaining the benefits of part-time jobs, suggesting an appropriate job type, and emphasizing the job's relevance to future career goals. This adds clarity and focus to your advice.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

233 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

discuss advantages and disadvantages of on demand streaming services

Some people say that it is better to work for a large company than a small one. Do you agree or disagree?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

There is an increasing trend of old people living longer in many countries around the world. Do you think this has a positive or a negative effect on the population as a whole?

The plans below show the layout of the ground floor of a museum in 1990 and in 2010