IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In most societies juvenile crime is increasing. Discuss some possible reasons for this and suggest solutions

#societies #crime
Many communities around the world are suffering
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the increase in
crimes
 committed by juveniles.
This
 essay will discuss why easy
punishment
 is causing
such
 trouble and how severe
policies
 can help with
this
 issue. Weak
punishment
 is the main reason why juvenile
crime
 is growing worldwide.
For instance
,
crimes
such
stealing
Change preposition
as stealing
show examples
 or minor robberies are often not well addressed by society.
In other words
, sentences given to
such
 small
crimes
 are very easy. Juveniles are taken into custody for a short period of time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because most
policies
 are in favour of them.
Consequently
, leaving a
gab
Correct your spelling
gap
show examples
 for other teens to go against the law as they will not have much trouble if caught. Harder
punishment
 for
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 offenders is crucial to prevent young people from committing
crimes
.
For example
, if juveniles understood that they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 stay in detention for a long period of time, they would not dare
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 against the law
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 place, let alone do it again once out of detention.
Additionally
, the harder the
punishment
 the more respect people have for the law. With severe
policies
 in place, young offenders would clearly understand that societies would judge their
crimes
accordingly
Correct your spelling
according
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 how detrimental the
crime
 was. If an adolescent
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
 to murder a person, they should be sent to jail in
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 to an adult.
Therefore
, juvenile
crime
 rates would decrease considerably because they would fear the severe
punishment
 inflicted on them. In conclusion,
punish
Wrong verb form
punishing
show examples
 young offenders with severe sentences is extremely important to stop the increase in juvenile
crime
 around the world. Governments need to improve their
policies
 to tackle
this
 issue better.
Submitted by leandro-vs- on

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task achievement
When discussing causes and solutions, try to explore a variety of factors rather than focusing on only one aspect (punishment). This will help fully address the prompt.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points. For example, referencing research or statistics on juvenile crime rates related to punishment severity could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly between paragraphs using a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., transitions such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition to,' or 'On the other hand'). This will improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Revise and diversify your sentence structures for greater clarity and impact. Avoid repetition of phrases and aim for a balance of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, offering a clear overview of your essay’s content.
content
You provided clear main ideas that support your argument effectively.
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