IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#computers #basis #world #classrooms #programs #purposes #dependence #risk #students
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Computers play a pivotal role in shaping today's world. For the same reason, smart tablets have been introduced into schools to offer an education.
However
, the complete integration of smart devices into classrooms could impact the whole learning experience. My perspective is inclined towards the notion that
technology
 should be utilized by
children
 in a limited manner in education 
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
In addition
,
this
 essay will discuss both aspects of the given essay. To commence with,
technology
 should be implemented into school settings to enhance learning practices.
In other words
, with the help of smart devices, students can learn visually, which would offer better understanding and long-lasting learning. One of the eminent examples is youngsters seem more inclined towards learning better with the help of drawings or some kind of art associated with the topic.
Hence
, adding computers at every desk would offer an improved learning environment for students. Contrarily, it is impossible to verify empirically, most would agree on an anecdotal level that the
usage
 of
technology
 could
also
 have a negative impact on students. One of the main drawbacks could be addiction to tablets among teenagers. To explain, Modern
technology
 could engage the audience in an efficient way, which could develop a habit
amongs
Correct your spelling
among
amongst
children
. These habits if not controlled at the right time, could harm youngsters and at many levels, cause social anxiety.
For instance
, kids, who spend a lot of time sitting in front of their computers, would be least interested in playing outdoors with other kids.
Thus
, excessive
usage
 of
technology
 among teenagers could result in bad habits. In my opinion,
children
 should have access to smart gadgets either in the presence of a mentor or their parents.
This
 would create a positive learning environment and ensure that the
usage
 of
technology
 is safe for kids.
For example
, In Canada, most of the schools have incorporated tablets for
children
usage
 to make their learning simpler.
Therefore
, the
usage
 of modern advancements in
technology
 could offer greater learning when monitored by faculties or guardians.
Submitted by kukretihimani767 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
To improve your score, consider diversifying your sentence structures and vocabulary, ensuring a wide range of language is demonstrated.
content
Support your main points with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument and increase the impact.
task response
While your essay provides a good balance of both perspectives and your opinion, making your opinion even more prominent throughout the essay could enhance clarity.
coherence
Consider working on paragraph transitions to make the flow from one idea to the next smoother, which will enhance coherence.
structure
You have successfully introduced and concluded your essay, clearly presenting the topic and your stance.
task response
Your essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument, showcasing an understanding of the task requirement.
examples
Good use of an example that illustrates your point, although adding more could further strength your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: