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Band 6

Young people today know more about international pop and film stars than they do about famous people in their own country's history. Why is this? What can be done to increase young people's interest in famous people from their country's history?

#people #pop #film #stars #country #history #interest
Many young people nowadays are more interested in international movies and feature artists than characters in their nation
and
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its
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. To explain
this
 trend, there are two major factors: the revolution of social media and the lack of an educational system.
This
 essay will illustrate
this
 problem and the solutions to tackle
this
 issue.
To begin
 with, it is an indisputable fact that many
teenagers
 spend a vast amount of time surfing the internet, especially on social media. These apps have their own algorithms and analyzing skills that attract
teenagers
 through numerous short videos and posts by the popular.
In addition
, another reason contributing to
this
 trend is the tedious
of
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teaching methods in school. Just a lack of teachers who vary and improve their teaching methods can make pupils feel engaged in their class. By reforming and adjusting the study program to integrate more images and videos, the lessons will be more appealing
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students.
Furthermore
, governments should encourage filmmakers to create more series based on the
history
 of the country.
Teenagers
 could gain more knowledge of the
history
 through the period.
As a result
, the movies not only gain recognition and support but
also
 change the way young people know about what people did in the past.
Furthermore
, Making
history
subject
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subjects
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interactive with games, simulations, and virtual reality experiences that bring old events to life.
Also
, Utilize social media platforms to share historical content in engaging formats like memes, infographics, and short videos. In conclusion, it is true that
teenagers
 do not pay attention to
history
, especially in a society where attention is vital.
Thus
 the attention of society is more and more important to change the mindset of the young generation.
Submitted by lyviet0026 on

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Language Accuracy
Ensure to proofread your essay for possible minor errors in grammar and spelling to maintain clarity throughout.
Sentence Variety
Try to incorporate a wider range of sentence structures to enhance the readability and interest of your essay.
Developing Examples
Consider elaborating further on examples to strengthen your arguments and provide a deeper insight into the issue at hand.
Argument Structure
Your essay presents a well-structured argument, effectively addressing the causes of the issue and proposing viable solutions.
Cohesion and Coherence
You have done a good job of maintaining coherence and cohesion throughout your essay, with each paragraph smoothly transitioning to the next.
Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion were both present and effectively bookended your essay, providing clear opening and closing statements.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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