IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

it is too expensive to look after and repair old building. This money should be spent on building modern building instead. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#repair #money
It is
undeniablely
Correct your spelling
undeniably
undeniable
 true that major cities around the world are developing. There is an argument that investors should only
forcus
Correct your spelling
focus
 on investing in new
buildings
whereas
, advocates
Correct pronoun usage
who disapprovel
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disapprovel
Correct your spelling
disapproval
disapprove
 of these ideas believe that old
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 should be invested
for
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in for
show examples
 restoration.
Although
 historical
buildings
 have the educational meaning to preserve, I would support the idea that modern
bildings
Correct your spelling
buildings
show examples
 can make the most of the
city
 space. On the one hand, supporters of preserving old constructions think that these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
buildings
 provide profound stories of the
city
.
Ancent
Correct your spelling
Ancient
buildings
 which
built
Add a missing verb
were built
show examples
 in the past are
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a great example of a
city
's history. By visiting
such
buildings
,
such
 as
churchs
Correct your spelling
churches
, town halls and
city
 councils, visitors can have a sound understanding of what
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
livelihood
looks
Wrong verb form
looked
show examples
 like in the past.
For example
, in a prestigious high school called Fuzhong school in China, students are taken to visit the old river dam for a science excursion, which enables them to understand how
ancent
Correct your spelling
ancient
 people
controled
Correct your spelling
controlled
 the river flow.
However
, I still support that more investment should be put
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 constructing modern
buildings
.
On the other hand
, it is suggested that investment should be focusing on contemporary constructions solely as they serve modern needs
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
uses
Change the verb form
use
show examples
 the
city
 space wisely. Thanks to the advancement of architecture and urban design, new
bildings
Correct your spelling
buildings
show examples
 can now meet various needs at the same time, which optimised the usage of land in
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 very effective way. Taking the 88
sky deck
Correct your spelling
Sky Deck
show examples
 which
Add a missing verb
is locaed
show examples
locaed
Correct your spelling
located
 in the Melbourn CBD as an example, the high-rise building accommodates more than a hundred apartments and 50 more small businesses all at the same time, it even offers underground car parking for all
tenents
Correct your spelling
tenants
show examples
.
Therefore
, investing in modern construction is more feasible. In conclusion, maintaining
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
historical
buildings
 has its meaning for educating people,
whereas
 I support the idea that investors should put their money into building more new ones.
Submitted by Ming on

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Introduction & Thesis Statement
Ensure a clear and concise introduction that directly addresses the question. You've started well, but refining your thesis statement for clarity and directness can strengthen your argument.
Example & Explanation
Consider expanding your examples with more detailed analysis to strengthen your arguments. Providing deeper insight into how modern buildings serve modern needs more efficiently could enhance your essay.
Grammar & Spelling
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes to improve overall readability and professionalism of your essay. For instance, 'undeniablely' should be 'undeniably', 'forcus' should be 'focus', 'bildings' should be 'buildings', and 'ancent' should be 'ancient'.
Cohesion & Flow
A cohesive essay should smoothly transition between paragraphs and ideas. Using transition words or phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments more seamlessly.
Conclusion
In your conclusion, while summarizing your points is good, try to ensure that it echoes back to how it supports your thesis effectively, offering a strong, rounded closure.
Use of Examples
Using specific examples, like the 88 sky deck in Melbourne and the Fuzhong school in China, helps to concrete your arguments and show practical applications of your points.
Balanced Argument
Your essay successfully addresses both sides of the argument before stating your personal standpoint, which shows a well-rounded analysis of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Historical integrity
  • Cultural heritage
  • Tangible connection
  • Sustainable development
  • Revitalizing
  • Repurposing
  • Heritage tourism
  • Economic diversity
  • Environmental degradation
  • Carbon emissions
  • Cityscapes
  • Architectural diversity
  • Cultural identity
What to do next:
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