IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write your essay using all the notes and giving reasons for your point of view. ‘Young people need to keep up-to-date with the latest fashion in clothes.’ Do you agree?

#notes #point #‘young #people #fashion #clothes
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The clothing
industry
 has improved by leaps by bounds in the past few years. Especially in youth fashion has become an important part of their life. Nowadays, youth find their confidence in the style they wear and are more comfortable with. It gives them their own personality and helps them stay up-to-date in
this
 fast-changing world. The clothing
industry
also
 impacts the environment's health. There is so much competition in the clothing
industry
 to find new designs and materials for the new trends. These materials are not 100% natural but a mixture of natural and processed polymers like polyester, synthetic fibres, Nylon etc. In the process of making them, these industries release harmful chemical wastes and carbon emissions polluting nearby seas, oceans and air causing environmental damage. In my opinion,
this
 idea of keeping up-to-date with the latest fashion is a great idea but the Clothing
industry
 should rely on natural clothing materials
such
 as cotton, jute, wool etc. By using natural substances we can be up-to-date with fashion and
also
 in a much more
environment friendly
Add a hyphen
environment-friendly
show examples
 way.
Submitted by gurpreetkaler18 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more explicit examples to support your viewpoint on the necessity (or lack thereof) for young people to keep up with the latest fashion trends.
task achievement
Elaborate on the contrast between the environmental impact and the personal identity aspects of fashion trends to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion that explicitly state your stance on the issue at hand.
coherence cohesion
A more structured paragraph division that distinguishes your main points would improve the logical flow and readability of your essay.
positive aspect
You effectively highlight the importance of fashion in shaping youth identity.
positive aspect
Your discussion on the environmental impact of the fashion industry adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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