IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #technology
Nowadays, a part of the population
think
Change the verb form
thinks
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 that purchasing anything you need is easier than before,
this
thanks
Add a missing verb
is thanks
show examples
 to new technology. At the same
time
, other
people
 do not agree with
this
 statement. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, modern technology
provide
Change the verb form
provides
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 easy access to companies'
web sites
Correct your spelling
websites
show examples
, where you can directly buy a product or a service,
whitout
Correct your spelling
without
 going to the
phisical
Correct your spelling
physical
 store,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 requires
time
 and
costs
Fix the agreement mistake
cost
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.
Moreover
, platforms
such
 as Amazon and
Ebay
Correct your spelling
eBay
, give you the possibility to sell your own products and to buy from other
people
. All these services could give the chance to
shopping
Wrong verb form
shop
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to
Change preposition
for
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 all those
people
 who,
for example
, work during the day and those who do not have
time
 to go to the
phisical
Correct your spelling
physical
 store.
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, modern technology,
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 us the possibility to buy products and services from foreign countries,
trying
Wrong verb form
try
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 specific foreign cultures
On the other hand
, when
people
 buy from physical shopping stores, they usually try a product or service before buying it.
This
 possibility could not be given through online shopping.
Therefore
, many purchases could result in a waste of
time
 and money, as they do not satisfy the expectations or they are of the wrong size.
Moreover
, inserting payment methods and their relative
paswoords
Correct your spelling
passwords
 could be dangerous, as there may be many cases of catfishing.
To conclude
, I think that shopping is much easier than before, as you can use the mentioned online services, saving up a lot of
time
 and
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
money.
However
, if we have the chance to go to the physical shop to see and try the product we are interested in, we should do it to prevent any kind of issue.
Submitted by silvestriandrea.it on

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Spelling and Typing Errors
Ensure your essay is carefully proofread for minor spelling or typographical errors to maintain the highest level of coherence. For instance, 'whitout' should be 'without', and 'phisical' should be 'physical'.
Sentence Variety
Though your points are clear, integrating more varied and complex sentence structures could further strengthen your essay and potentially improve your score.
Specific Examples
While your examples are relevant, adding more specific instances or data could provide stronger support for your ideas, enhancing the impact of your essay.
Balanced Discussion
You effectively discussed both sides of the argument and provided a clear personal perspective, which is excellent for task achievement.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, providing a clear framework for your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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