IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public . Why is this happening? Do you think this is an approriate use of government money?

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In plenty
Change preposition
Plenty
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 of well-developed
countries
Use synonyms
 are paying more on high-tech devices to face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the public.
This
Linking Words
 writer agrees that money should be spent more on technology to raise the
countries
Use synonyms
'
economy
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
boost
Change the verb form
boosting
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 the
unemployed
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unemployment
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 rates. The first sense of
advantages
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advantage
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 of using money
on buying
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to buy
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 new technologies is that it can help
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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countries
Use synonyms
'
Use synonyms
economy
Fix the agreement mistake
economies
show examples
. It can be
seem
Correct your spelling
seen
show examples
 that technology
such
Linking Words
 as artificial intelligence or robots can reduce the
producing
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production
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 time so many companies can have more time to come up with new ideas to generate
another professional
Replace the adjective
another professional product
other professional products
show examples
products
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
high tech
Add a hyphen
high-tech
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 devices can
also
Linking Words
 improve the quality of
products
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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,
remotes
Correct word choice
and remotes
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. For
examples
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example
show examples
,
entreprenuers
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
 can put AI on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
products
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 and make them become smarter so the price of
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 can increase more
that
Correct word choice
if
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its
Correct your spelling
it does
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 not
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 AI.
This
Linking Words
 can make
Use synonyms
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of the
countries
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 developed and boost the development of these
countries
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. Another
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
point can be considered that the more technologies we get, the higher
Correct article usage
the unemployed
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unemployed
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unemployment
show examples
 rates we get. Basically, AI and robots can replace humans
on
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in
show examples
 some work fields
such
Linking Words
 as
office
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offices
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,
houseworks
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housework
 and the
producing
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production
show examples
 processes.
In recently
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Recently
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, many processes of
product's
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product
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 generation are more likely to
be used
Wrong verb form
use
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 robots
instead
Linking Words
 of humans' energy because of the lower costs and
highly
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high
show examples
 correction on every
stages
Change to a singular noun
stage
show examples
. In consequence, unemployees can appear more in
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
countries
Use synonyms
 which have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 level of
technology's
Change noun form
technology
show examples
 development. In conclusion,
government
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the government
show examples
 should spend more money on new technologies to boost the
Use synonyms
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 systems.
Although
Linking Words
 high-tech devices can replace humans
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many fields and cause the increasing rates of
unemployed
Replace the word
unemployment
show examples
, they still help governments to develop their
countries
Use synonyms
 and living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.

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Task Response
Your essay presents a clear position throughout, which is good. However, try to ensure a balanced discussion by equally addressing both parts of the question. This means not only discussing why investment in technology is happening but also directly addressing whether it's an appropriate use of government money.
Task Response
Be careful with your use of technology as a sole factor for economic growth and unemployment. Consider adding a variety of examples and evidence to support your points more robustly. This will enrich your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay shows good organization and logical flow between ideas, which is commendable. Consider using a wider range of linking devices and transitional phrases to enhance coherence further. This also helps in making your argument more sophisticated.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors. These can detract from the clarity of your message. Regular practice and review of basic grammar and spelling rules can significantly improve your writing.
Structure
You've made a good effort in presenting a structured argument, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Content
Your examples, while needing more diversity, show an attempt to support your points with relevant information.
Engagement
The essay demonstrates a decent attempt at addressing the topic, showing both understanding and engagement with the subject matter.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Efficiency
  • Cost savings
  • Automation
  • Manpower
  • Processes
  • Savings
  • Transparency
  • Accountability
  • Digital systems
  • Transactions
  • Corruption
  • Public trust
  • E-governance
  • Citizen satisfaction
  • Economic growth
  • High-tech ecosystem
  • Innovation
  • Job creation
  • Initial expenditures
  • Long-term benefits
  • Digital divide
  • Underserved areas
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