In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public . Why is this happening? Do you think this is an approriate use of government money?

In plenty
Change preposition
Plenty
show examples
of well-developed
countries
are paying more on high-tech devices to face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the public.
This
writer agrees that money should be spent more on technology to raise the
countries
'
economy
instead
of
boost
Change the verb form
boosting
show examples
the
unemployed
Replace the word
unemployment
show examples
rates. The first sense of
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
of using money
on buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
new technologies is that it can help
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
countries
'
economy
Fix the agreement mistake
economies
show examples
. It can be
seem
Correct your spelling
seen
show examples
that technology
such
as artificial intelligence or robots can reduce the
producing
Replace the word
production
show examples
time so many companies can have more time to come up with new ideas to generate
another professional
Replace the adjective
another professional product
other professional products
show examples
products
.
Moreover
,
high tech
Add a hyphen
high-tech
show examples
devices can
also
improve the quality of
products
such
as
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
,
remotes
Correct word choice
and remotes
show examples
. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
,
entreprenuers
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
can put AI on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
products
and make them become smarter so the price of
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
products
can increase more
that
Correct word choice
if
show examples
its
Correct your spelling
it does
show examples
not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
AI.
This
can make
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
of the
countries
developed and boost the development of these
countries
. Another
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
point can be considered that the more technologies we get, the higher
Correct article usage
the unemployed
show examples
unemployed
Replace the word
unemployment
show examples
rates we get. Basically, AI and robots can replace humans
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
some work fields
such
as
office
Fix the agreement mistake
offices
show examples
,
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
and the
producing
Replace the word
production
show examples
processes.
In recently
Change preposition
Recently
show examples
, many processes of
product's
Change noun form
product
show examples
generation are more likely to
be used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
robots
instead
of humans' energy because of the lower costs and
highly
Change the word
high
show examples
correction on every
stages
Change to a singular noun
stage
show examples
. In consequence, unemployees can appear more in
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
countries
which have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
level of
technology's
Change noun form
technology
show examples
development. In conclusion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should spend more money on new technologies to boost the
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
systems.
Although
high-tech devices can replace humans
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
many fields and cause the increasing rates of
unemployed
Replace the word
unemployment
show examples
, they still help governments to develop their
countries
and living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Your essay presents a clear position throughout, which is good. However, try to ensure a balanced discussion by equally addressing both parts of the question. This means not only discussing why investment in technology is happening but also directly addressing whether it's an appropriate use of government money.
Task Response
Be careful with your use of technology as a sole factor for economic growth and unemployment. Consider adding a variety of examples and evidence to support your points more robustly. This will enrich your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay shows good organization and logical flow between ideas, which is commendable. Consider using a wider range of linking devices and transitional phrases to enhance coherence further. This also helps in making your argument more sophisticated.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors. These can detract from the clarity of your message. Regular practice and review of basic grammar and spelling rules can significantly improve your writing.
Structure
You've made a good effort in presenting a structured argument, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Content
Your examples, while needing more diversity, show an attempt to support your points with relevant information.
Engagement
The essay demonstrates a decent attempt at addressing the topic, showing both understanding and engagement with the subject matter.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Efficiency
  • Cost savings
  • Automation
  • Manpower
  • Processes
  • Savings
  • Transparency
  • Accountability
  • Digital systems
  • Transactions
  • Corruption
  • Public trust
  • E-governance
  • Citizen satisfaction
  • Economic growth
  • High-tech ecosystem
  • Innovation
  • Job creation
  • Initial expenditures
  • Long-term benefits
  • Digital divide
  • Underserved areas
What to do next:
Look at other essays: