In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public . Why is this happening? Do you think this is an approriate use of government money?
In plenty
of well-developed Change preposition
Plenty
countries
are paying more on high-tech devices to face to
the public. Change preposition
apply
This
writer agrees that money should be spent more on technology to raise the countries
' economy
instead
of boost
the Change the verb form
boosting
unemployed
rates.
The first sense of Replace the word
unemployment
advantages
of using money Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
on buying
new technologies is that it can help Change preposition
to buy
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
countries
' economy
. It can be Fix the agreement mistake
economies
seem
that technology Correct your spelling
seen
such
as artificial intelligence or robots can reduce the producing
time so many companies can have more time to come up with new ideas to generate Replace the word
production
another professional
Replace the adjective
another professional product
other professional products
products
. Moreover
, high tech
devices can Add a hyphen
high-tech
also
improve the quality of products
such
as smartphone
, Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
remotes
. For Correct word choice
and remotes
examples
, Fix the agreement mistake
example
entreprenuers
can put AI on Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
the
Correct article usage
apply
products
and make them become smarter so the price of that
Correct determiner usage
those
products
can increase more that
Correct word choice
if
its
not Correct your spelling
it does
having
AI. Wrong verb form
have
This
can make economy
of the Add an article
the economy
countries
developed and boost the development of these countries
.
Another one
point can be considered that the more technologies we get, the higher Correct pronoun usage
apply
Correct article usage
the unemployed
unemployed
rates we get. Basically, AI and robots can replace humans Replace the word
unemployment
on
some work fields Change preposition
in
such
as office
, Fix the agreement mistake
offices
houseworks
and the Correct your spelling
housework
producing
processes. Replace the word
production
In recently
, many processes of Change preposition
Recently
product's
generation are more likely to Change noun form
product
be used
robots Wrong verb form
use
instead
of humans' energy because of the lower costs and highly
correction on every Change the word
high
stages
. In consequence, unemployees can appear more in Change to a singular noun
stage
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
countries
which have high
level of Add an article
a high
technology's
development.
In conclusion, Change noun form
technology
government
should spend more money on new technologies to boost the Add an article
the government
economy
systems. Replace the word
economic
Although
high-tech devices can replace humans on
many fields and cause the increasing rates of Change preposition
in
unemployed
, they still help governments to develop their Replace the word
unemployment
countries
and living standard
.Fix the agreement mistake
standards
Submitted by [email protected] on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Response
Your essay presents a clear position throughout, which is good. However, try to ensure a balanced discussion by equally addressing both parts of the question. This means not only discussing why investment in technology is happening but also directly addressing whether it's an appropriate use of government money.
Task Response
Be careful with your use of technology as a sole factor for economic growth and unemployment. Consider adding a variety of examples and evidence to support your points more robustly. This will enrich your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay shows good organization and logical flow between ideas, which is commendable. Consider using a wider range of linking devices and transitional phrases to enhance coherence further. This also helps in making your argument more sophisticated.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors. These can detract from the clarity of your message. Regular practice and review of basic grammar and spelling rules can significantly improve your writing.
Structure
You've made a good effort in presenting a structured argument, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Content
Your examples, while needing more diversity, show an attempt to support your points with relevant information.
Engagement
The essay demonstrates a decent attempt at addressing the topic, showing both understanding and engagement with the subject matter.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?